grandvizier527's Amazing Race, Season 2
by grandvizier527
Summary: Here is the second season of the Amazing Race! Join 11 new teams on this epic adventure! I hope this will be even better than the last one!
1. Intro and teams (Leg 1, part 1)

A lakitu with a camera flies around, waving his camera precariously from his fishing pole to get a good view of the green skies of Galaluna. After making sure to get a good shot of the palace and some other random places, he reluctantly sets the lens in front of an obese man in a wife-beater.

"I am William Fontaine "Bill" de la Tour D'Haute Rive—but you can all just call me Bill! Remember me from last season?" Bill asked his viewers desperately as he waved in front of the camera.

"Well, if ya don't, then I hope you appreciate me this season! Oh, and the racers of course. 'Cause that's what this is! Another season of the Amazing Race! Now," Bill ordered the Lakitu in what was not supposed to be aired, "Go and put the camera on the teams, you bastard!" The producers conveniently "forgot" to edit this out so it made Bill look like a jerk to his subordinates.

The first team to be focused on consisted of two short men wearing spacesuits, complete with helmets.

"This had better get us out of debt…which we got into AGAIN, according to my wife!" the President of Hocotate freight groaned.

"Trust me, Mr. President, this is much safer way of making money! Speaking of which, we should really think about going home soon, shouldn't we?"

"Well, we _could _have done that already if _you _hadn't blown up the ship!" the President complained.

"He was annoying! Don't tell me you actually WANTED to put up with him for the months it would take for us to get back to Hocotate!" Olimar countered.

_"__Olimar has always been a very dedicated employee, but…let's just say he's becoming more of an asset than a liability these days," the President said in his confessional. "If we lose this race he's fired, and he can stay with his precious Pikmin all he likes!"_

_"__I hope that during the race the President will just how wonderful Pikmin are," Olimar said in his confessional. "I'm not going back home without them! And I don't see why he can't see the joys of the Pikmin Planet! He saw the last season, didn't he? Were we even in that at the pitstop? I can't remember. I'll ask one of the Pikmin when I get the chance."_

The next team featured two young adult girls, one in the brightest shade of red and doing handstands on top of their car, while the other just rolled her eyes.

"Tai Lee, get down from there. You just look stupid," Mai said.

"Lighten up, this will be fun! Think of how much the Fire Nation will be proud of us if we win! Think of what _Zuko _will say!" she urged as she athletically jumped down from the car. Mai gave a naughty grin but said nothing.

"Yeah…for the 'Fire Nation'…" she snickered.

_"__But seriously," Mai added in her confessional. "We're doing this for people. We've got a huge war debt to pay and a million dollars would help—not sure how much that is, but whatever."_

_"__This race is going to be soooo fun!" Tai Lee cried. "I can't wait to see what sort of places we'll go and the things we'll do. Maybe I can even get Mai to lighten up!"_

_"__I just wish that I could have gotten Zuko or Azula to go with me instead of…her," Mai muttered. "But Zu-zu's got leadership duties, and Azula is…she hasn't checked out of that psych-ward yet. Maybe some of the money can be diverted to treat her."_

The next team consisted of a two naïve Texan women ready for adventure. One wore glasses and had brown hair, and the other had blonde hair and a bare midriff.

"Aunt Peggy, how do we start this car?" Luanne asked.

"This is probably the first task of the race or something!" Peggy insisted as she crawled under it with a flashlight to examine it. "Oh, look, the keys! Wonder who put them there?"

_"__I'll bet a lot of sexist viewers are thinking that two girls can't win a race like this!" Luanne said in her confessional._

_"__Well, all-female have won before," Peggy reminded her. "Besides, I have enough manliness for the both of us. Plus Bill will probably just rig it so that we win anyway."_

_"__Why would Mr. Dautrive do that?" Luanne asked. "Does he want us to get rich?"_

_"__No, Luanne," Peggy sighed, "He's just crazy and in love. Did you notice that we're the only team that didn't have to audition?"_

In a car not far away, a red-headed young man chuckled at his robot friend while glancing at Peggy and Luanne's car.

"So where'd you put their keys?"

"Got'em right here!" Bender replied, opening up his chest compartment. The keys of all the teams' cars were inside.

"You stole _all _of them?" Fry shook his head with amusement. "Why can't you steal anything useful, like the million dollars? Or a million cans of slurm? Or a ring for Leela? Then we wouldn't be doing this crazy thing."

"Oh, yeah, good point. Well, we didn't do of those more logical things, so we're on this race!" Bender said, propping his metal feet on the dashboard.

"Make sure you hide your beer, there's no drinking on the race except for in tasks," Fry warned. Bender's eye panels comically widened with panic. "Haha, just kidding!" Fry added.

"Why, you rotten jerk! You meatbags are all alike!" Bender complained.

"Then why am I the only one that would go on the race with you?" Fry countered.

"Because Hermes is too busy, Amy is too whiny, Leela's not supposed to know we're here, and the Professor's too old!"

"And what about Zoidberg?"

"Who?" The two laughed at their joke. As much as they would have liked to, Zoidberg wasn't easily forgotten.

_"__All those humans and other non-robotic losers can bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender declared in his confessional. "We'll be going so fast through the race that they'll be forced to bite on Fry's skinny human ass!"_

_"__I still have that tattoo of you on it," Fry reminded him. "Maybe we could use to cheat?"_

_"__And miss watching everyone else get all miserable when we beat them so hard they run crying to their mommies? No way!" Bender insisted._

The next team consisted of two Pokemon, one that looked like a humanoid sunflower and one that didn't look like much of anything except for a big-mouthed monster.

"Oh my gosh! We're on the Amazing Race at last! We'll be the fastest Pokemon without even having to use Agility!" Sunflora cried excitedly.

"We have to be CAREFUL, though," Loudred reminded her. "ONE slip-up and we're THROUGH! So don't MESS UP!"

"You don't mess up, either!" Sunflora snapped back.

_"__I hope that Loudred and I can bond more easily after this race," Sunflora said in her confessional. "Wigglytuff insisted it would be a good way for us guildmates to learn how to get along. After the incident with the Haunter and Spring Cave, I've had hope that it's certainly possible."_

_"__Sunflora's TOUGH, and very DETERMINED," Loudred said. "But I don't know if we both have the GUTS needed to win this race and help the guild get back on its FEET, financially speaking."_

The next team featured a tall, black creature with purple eyes and a giant spider, both apparently female, but you wouldn't really know from looking at them.

"Now, given our…height differences, I'm driving," Slim told Arachne, who rolled all 8 of her eyes.

"Oh, don't worry about offending me! Stop stepping around when you talk to me like some kind of ballerina! Just because your legs are all petite doesn't make you some fancy…eh, forget it. Just don't make me regret taking you instead of Klack!" Arachne said. "At least we can picture the way his jaw will literally drop when he sees us do awesome!"

"I promise, I'll be the best teammate I can be!" Slim said. "And _you…_"

"What? Tell me!" Arachne asked.

"…Be the best teammate you can be." Arachne laughed.

"Puyo and you would have been an even worse combo!"

_"__I think Arachne and I can get along," Slim said. "It's just a matter of me knowing that she's not serious when she says what she says. It's just a psychological defense mechanism. I don't blame her for it at all."_

_"__I'll bet Slim is in her confessional right now, talking about 'psychological defense mechanisms' or something! You really think any Enderman is going to fall head over heels for that kind of attitude?! Speaking of which, I've never actually seen an Enderman fall head over heels. Or an Enderwoman, for that matter. Time to test it out…hehehehe…"_

The next team consisted of two muscular men, except you couldn't see that because of their weird-looking suits they wore. One had long hair that inexplicably stuck up straight like someone from KISS, and the other was bald.

"Vegeta, this'll be a piece of cake! You only need one Saiyan to beat down all these shrimpy little non-Saiyans!" Nappa insisted.

"Well, I guess that's true, but it was either you or the wife. And if you've ever watched this show you know that married couples just bitch and whine and divorce during the race!"

"How do they divorce _during_ the race?" Nappa asked. Vegeta facepalmed.

"Ugh, I didn't mean it like that. I was speaking facetiously!"

"…That's a big word there, Vegeta."

"Yes, Nappa, it IS a big word. Now learn it!"

"Are you sure you're using it right?"

"…Just get in the damn facetious car."

"Were you using it right, then?"

"Godammit, Nappa, just shut up!"

_"__Let me correct myself—it was either my wife or Kakerot, and it was a __pretty close __call. But then he joined the production crew, so I had to take Nappa."_

_"__I'm here to make sure Vegeta doesn't do anything bad! If he cheats by flying around or killing the other teams then I'll just kill him!" Goku said in his confessional despite not actually being on any of the teams._

_"__Once we win the race, we'll buy the dragon balls and then bring Freiza back to life so we can beat him up again!" Nappa cried with delight._

_"__Nappa, why would we need to BUY the dragon balls? Do you really think someone is just going to be able to SELL them? Especially when we can just take them?"_

_"__But stealing is wrong!"_

_"__And so is killing."_

_"__It is?!"_

_"…__Only under certain circumstances." Vegeta then proceeded to explain abortion, euthanasia and assisted suicide to Nappa, but this was deemed too controversial and so was edited out._

The next team consisted of a snake-like woman and a fish-like woman. Neither were human, but both were teachers.

"We need to get out of here, quickly. I can't let the cops get to me!" Mrs. Puff said frantically.

"Relax, Puff. We'll be halfway across this galaxy in a few hours. I can sense it," Ms. Bitters said, sticking out her thin tongue to smell the air. "Monsters and machines once roamed this planet," she mused.

"Who cares? As long as I can get that million dollars, I can bribe the Bikini Bottom Police Department to get off my tailfin!" Mrs. Puff insisted.

_"__We met at a teacher's conference," Mrs. Puff explained in her confessional. "I needed some financial assistance and she quickly provided from Neptune-knows-where. I'm just hoping that with her on my team I can get that money and do something about SpongeBob and the police."_

_"__I don't bother to judge Puff for her motives," Ms. Bitters said. "I have my own reasons for entering this race. I don't care to share them here, so this interview is over."_

The next team consisted of a CGI-animated couple; namely, a large man and his thin, flexible wife.

"Who did we get to babysit the kids again?" "Bob" asked his wife "Helen".

"I thought Edna could do it. It won't be too tough for her, Jack-jack is almost getting too old for a babysitter," "Helen" replied.

"Ok, if you say so. Also…what are we going to do about…you know?" "Bob" asked.

"Don't worry, I heard this season has some rules about that," "Helen" reassured him.

"Oh, good, rules. I love rules." "Bob" said sarcastically.

_The Parrs declined a confessional interview. Sure, they violated reality TV law, but you can get away with that pretty easily._

The next team was yet another married couple, featuring another woman the cameraman would probably be ogling and her average-looking husband.

"Hey, the team next to us is another married couple!" Chris told Elise.

"Really?" she asked with surprise. "Oh, so she's a gold-digger. And he's a playboy."

"No, no, the _other _team!" Chris clarified. Elise looked across to see the Parrs. "Their names are Bob and Helen," her husband added. Elise froze in shock.

"Bob…and Helen? Are you _sure _those are their names?" she asked. "And they don't know who I am?" She quickly gave a friendly wave when she saw Helen looking at her.

"No, why would they?" Chris asked.

"I dunno, might have run into them at a couples retreat or something by accident," Elise suggested.

"I think we would have remembered them being CGI," Chris reminded her.

Elise said nothing.

_"__I'm so glad to be doing this with my wife…and not Dan," Chris said in his confessional. "This is probably just going to be wonderful for our marriage."_

_"__Chris was a complete idiot, making me go with him on this thing," Elise said. "But it was either me or Dan. I told him that married couples always end up looking bad on the show, but he wouldn't believe me. Not that it matters. I'd have ended up going here anyway."_

The last team consisted of a princess in an absurdly frilly pink dress and her old, mushroom-headed guardian.

"Princess, are you _sure _that I'm even fit for this race?" Toadsworth asked.

"I'm sure you'll do fine!" Peach replied in an obscenely high-pitched voice. "We have to win for the Mushroom Kingdom!"

"I thought we were doing this as a publicity stunt to draw tourism," Toadsworth protested.

"Yeah…I lied. If we had done that then we would have just had the race hold a leg in our kingdom."

"Young lady, what have I told you about dishonesty?!"

_"__For 20 years I've raised the princess, but sometimes I worry if she understands what it means to truly govern a kingdom. She's away so often because of Bowser that I've had to rule in her place! And I'm getting older every year! Mario can't be the king since he's not royalty! I am the only one stopping the kingdom from falling into crisis! Well, Mario too, I suppose," Toadsworth rambled in his confessional._

_"__Toadsworth is so worried all the time! He should really learn to relax!" Peach insisted. "Hopefully I can prove to him that I'm not just a pretty face during the race. My last attempt at proving my worth…didn't go over well in sales."_

After the teams had all gotten a good test-drive of their cars, they got out of them and left their bags behind, as per instructions. Bill was waiting for them, with a giant ramp off to his right that seemed to be leading off to nowhere.

"Welcome to the 2nd season of the Amazing Race! I hope you all watched last season, so you all know what to do! Be respectful to all of those filthy foreigners, and travel safely! Your bags and cars are behind you, the clue box is behind me. You'll have to get past me in order to get it…Peggy."

"Ugh, Bill, I'm married and will never love you. Could we just start the freakin' race already!?" Peggy cried. She was met with applause and hearty agreement. "Wow", she remarked with a blush, "This is the first time I've been cheered for doing something instead of booed! Well, aside from winning substitute teacher of the year awa—"

"GO!" Bill cried, deliberately finishing her thought and causing all of the teams to stampede past him to get to the clue box.

"Get…" Fry read.

"Back…" Elise read.

"In…" Tai Lee read.

"Your…" Mrs. Puff read.

"Oh, great, they put us on the kiddie course!" Arachne cried as she crawled across Nappa's back to climb over him.

"And…" Vegeta read.

"Drive…" Luanne read.

"Up…" Peach read.

"The…" "Bob" read.

"Ramp. How absurdly simplistic!" Ms. Bitters read as she slithered between Chris' ankles as he ran and making him shudder.

"Just…" The President read.

"Drive…" Toadsworth read.

"Off…" Sunflora read.

"And…" Mai read.

"Take…" Peggy read.

"A…" Nappa read.

"Leap…" Slim read.

"Of…" "Helen" read.

"Faith," Chris read. Slim, Loudred, Olimar didn't get to read anything since they were trying to drive. As for Bender, he tossed out all the car keys from his chest compartment once he and Fry were in the car.

"Wherever we're goin', here we come! WHOOOOOO!" Bender cried, leaving all of the other teams in the dust scrambling to get their keys. Vegeta's hand glowed, but Goku, who was eyeing him angrily as his cameraman, discouraged him from counter-cheating.

The racers all scrambled to their cars and accelerated as fast as they could, catching up to Fry and Bender as they all made their way onto the great ramp. It was wide enough for a bunch of teams to all race on pass each other on, and everyone had their cars going at extremely dangerous speeds.

After several dice throws of the author, the Hocotatians (Olimar and the President) managed to take the lead, unexpectedly. As they flew off the edge of the ramp, with Olimar getting a crazy, wild look in his eye and the President's eyes desperately bulging out and indicating his need for eye surgery, a giant purple wormhole appeared, sucking their car right in.

"We're off to a great start, wouldn't you say, Mr. President?" Olimar asked. He was too terrified to answer as their car went through some crazy vortex.

And here's who followed them:

**Olimar and the President**

**Mai and Tai Lee**

**Mrs. Puff and Ms. Bitters**

**Chris and Elise**

**Arachne and Slim**

**Peggy and Luanne**

**Vegeta and Nappa**

**Peach and Toadsworth**

**Sunflora and Loudred**

**Fry and Bender**

**"****Bob" and "Helen"**

"That was awesome!" Tai Lee cried to Mai. "You really know how to drive these things!"

"Thanks," Mai said, giving a very vague hint of a smile.

"Splendid, Ms. Bitters!" I wonder where we'll be going?" Mrs. Puff asked.

"Somewhere far away," Ms. Bitters replied. "And smelling of…sugar."

"Honey…" Chris squeaked.

"Not now, trying to get through a portal here," Elise snapped.

"Sorry."

"It's ok."

"Eh, this position's good. Not in the later legs, though. Still, you're not as dainty as I thought!" Arachne complimented Slim.

"I'm not even going to ask why you assume that about me."

"Well, we're right in the middle! I guess that's a good thing, right Peggy?"

"Only if we can do something with it, Luanne!" Peggy cried. "Still, thank God we got away from Bill. This is going to be one tough race for us, but I think I know how we can use the host to our advantage. But I hope I don't have to."

"SEVENTH?! How the Hell are we in SEVENTH?! We're supposed to be some of the most powerful beings in the galaxy!" Vegeta protested.

"Looks like there are 12 others more powerful than us," Nappa mused.

"Nappa, don't be ridi—wait…you're right. For the purposes of the race, we'll just have to assume that. Those scouters lie with power levels, certainly, but I'm sensing something at the other end of that wormhole that could be a big challenge for us."

"Oh, that's probably Goku. He's following us."

"WHAT?!"

"Hi, Vegeta!" said Goku from the backseat.

"Zip it, Kakerot! I don't want any smart-alecky remarks about how we're not in a huge lead!"

"Why would I?"

"That was some disastrous driving, Princess! We're in the back of the pack and you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Don't worry, Toadsworth! Everyone in the production crew is a trained paramedic!" Peach reassured him.

"Somehow, I don't think that's going to help us with the race."

"FASTER! FASTER!" Loudred cried.

"I can't, without any friction to slow us down—I just can't, ok?" Sunflora told him.

"One of us REALLY should have learned Agility."

"I know. But at least you can Howl out the car window."

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWL!"

"Hehehehe, yeah, like that!" Sunflora giggled.

"Nice going, Bender, we're almost in last because of your stupid antics!" Fry groaned.

"How was I supposed to know they'd all pass us like that?" Bender protested. "All of my omniscience was lost after that one episode!"

"What episode?"

"We're in a show, remember?"

"We WERE in a show. Speaking of shows, did you watch the Hunger Games?" Fry asked. "It was really good this year."

"Oh, yeah, I saw that! Dorea was great, wasn't she? Real looker, too," Bender remarked.

"Oh, she didn't win. It was Steele, remember?"

"What?"

"Did you not watch the finale?"

"I thought Dorea dying was a publicity stunt, like with Lidda!"

"No, it was all real! Steele killed her!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DOOOOOOOOREEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Why do you care so much?" Fry asked.

"I don't judge you for your taste in women!" Bender countered.

"Hey, since we're in this mess, what do you think about us revealing who we are?" "Bob" asked. "Helen" opened the glove compartment and got out some superhero masks that fit around their eyes and put them in their team's fanny pack.

"Not quite yet. But I think we'll have our chance soon," "Helen" said as a giant candy cane loomed in on the skyline of the world they were entering.

**AN: Hey, y'all! I'm back! Sort of…not indefinitely, though. I still probably have tons of other "original" stuff to right. But frankly this was more fun.**

**Anyway, this is the second season of the Amazing Race! So go read the first one unless you're lazy. And my greetings to Platrium, who is probably the only one that's going to be reading this for a while XD**

**Here's a quick run-down on the teams so that you (plural you, maybe it's better as a y'all) know a minimum of information about them.**

**Olimar and the President: Of Hocotate Freight. Not the US or any other country. From the Pikmin series. In Pikmin 1, Olimar crash-landed on an unknown planet that was clearly Earth and used Pikmin, these colorful and adorable creatures with leaves on their heads that can give you hell if you're about the size of a US quarter, helped him repair his ship and got him home. In Pimin 2, Olimar went with another employee of Hocotate freight, Louie, and went back to not-Earth to get a bunch of treasure to pay off a debt that accumulated in Olimar's absence. After you pay off the debt in the game the President of Hocotate replaces Louie, who...gets left behind. And we probably won't be seeing him during the race, unless…I decide to put him in there. I picked these two because it was either them or Donkey and Diddy Kong, who I thought I wouldn't be able to portray well, and they're here because their company is once again in debt and Olimar refuses to go home to Hocotate. Plus the characters in Pikmin 3 have all the Pikmin…well, MOST of the Pikmin ;)**

**Mai and Tai Lee: From Avatar: the Last Airbender. If you don't know about this show…sigh. You missed out. I suppose you missed out on the Legend of Korra, too, didn't you? That's fine, actually. Anyway, these two were Azula's minions that she used to try and kill the Avatar. Although neither of them are benders (and technically, neither is Bender), they were both badass in their own right, with Mai using these weird ninja knife-thingies that could temporary block a bender's chi and Tai Lee using her supreme, circus freak athleticism to weaken her opponents by tapping them at random, probably made-up pressure points. I picked them because their personalities contrast, as you can see, and plus the Fire Nation has a war debt to pay off. No, not all the teams are doing this for the money.**

**Peggy Hill and Luanne Platter: Two characters from King of the Hill, and aunt and niece, respectively. As you all know, the aunt-niece bond is the strongest familial bond. In King of the Hill, Peggy was a bit of a know-it-all airhead—she was so overconfident with her own abilities and assumed that she was smarter than she really was. So all the fans hated her for being an idiot and getting away with things. But you know what? Screw those so-called "fans!" I like her! She doesn't deserve all the hate. So she's going to do the best she can here. And even though she's married to Hank, Bill has a crush on her, both in canon and here. And he's the host of the show. So I think it's pretty obvious to infer that these two were forced on the show. Why didn't Peggy take her husband? You'll find out later once I think of a reason. As for Luanne, she's also quite naïve, but intentionally written that way. Basically a dumb blonde who loved boys that really should have been beneath. But she was raised as trailer trash, so she probably didn't know that. In the early seasons, her dream was to go to beauty school to be a hairstylist, but then as the show went on the creators left and un-developed her character so that she ended up marrying her boyfriend Lucky out of wedlock—voiced by Tom Petty, BTW. Regardless, by the end of the show she's happy and has a baby named Gracie. So being an undeveloped, fanservice-y, dumb blonde, trailer-trash character worked out well for her after all. I guess. I'll do my best with her here, though.**

**Fry and Bender: From yet another show that ended, Futurama, Fry is just your average 1999 man who got sent to the year 3000, and Bender is the robot buddy he ran into. Fry fell in love with Leela, the purple haired, one-eyed mutant woman that worked at the Planet Express, an intergalactic delivery company run by a kooky professor and Fry's million-times great nephew, Hubert Farnsworth. Hermes, Amy and Zoidberg, you ask? Who cares, I say! As for Bender, he's a robot who loves booze, smoking and fem-bots, but apparently that's perfectly acceptable for him. He was a jerk in the show, and yet there was something about him that made you not hate him that much even if the characters did. Don't ask how they did it. And if you do, you can bite his shiny metal ass! Notice how these last 3 teams were all from shows that ended? I swear it was unintentional! Fry and Bender are here because Fry wants to use the money to buy Leela a nice wedding ring, and Bender wants to buy stuff that fans of the show would expect him to buy…even though he could just steal it without feeling bad. But then if he did that, then this team wouldn't get to be on here!**

**Sunflora and Loudred: the two from the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon series. They were guildmates in Wigglytuff's exploration guild, and now they're teammates off to win money for their guild. Sunflora is a bit jumpy and nervous, but very smart and good at what she does—namely fighting and navigating. Loudred is a bit impulsive and brash, as you would expect from a loudmouth, but in one side-quest thingy in the game you have to use both of them to defeat some outlaw Haunters in Spring Cave, so they've worked together before. Can they be a great team again? We'll find out!**

**Arachne and Slim: No way you'd know them unless you read Monster Story, since they're OCs from there in the Minecraft Universe (no relation to the Youtuber who took that name). Slim is somewhat kind and overly-motherly, and Arachne took her on this race so that she'd let loose a bit. Arachne herself is a bit "snarky" and care-free, but due to my poor writing she'll probably come across as annoying and douche-y. Due to the circumstances, they couldn't be as easygoing with each other in Monster Story, but to get a better view of them you'd have to read that, since the events here are basically in a separate canon. FYI, these two were also briefly seen in the last season in one of the legs, along with Fry and Bender. In fact, most of the teams I've elaborated upon so far are from a universe that was seen in a previous leg! Ok, you can call that lazy casting.**

**Vegeta and Nappa: Two powerful Saiyans from the Dragon Ball Z universe, where everybody is muscular, yells and shoots powerful beams at each other. And something about dragon balls, lol. I was hesitant to put these two here since they're a bit overpowered (they are going to be the alpha males of this season) and I don't think I'd be the best at writing them, but oh well. This is the Amazing Race, so I cast who I want! Vegeta and Nappa are a combination of their actual personalities and their "DBZ abridged" personalities as I see fit. Thank goodness, too, the "real" Vegeta wouldn't let himself get restrained by this! Or even be on the race for that matter. They're here for the adventure, not the money, as are most of the subsequent teams.**

**Mrs. Puff and Ms. Bitters: Actual teachers, but not from the same universe. Mrs. Puff is from SpongeBob and Ms. Bitters is from Invader Zim. Funny, both Zim and SpongeBob were in the last season! :D Anyway, Mrs. Puff is easily stressed, but who can blame her after having to be in car wrecks where SpongeBob keeps failing to get license and from all the episodes where she's gone to jail? She doesn't want to do that again, so that's why she's here. As for Ms. Bitters, well, just watch Invader Zim. She's one teacher you would either love or hate, depending on your medium awareness, as the tropers say.**

**"****Bob" and "Helen": Ok, dropping the fake names. They're actually Elastigirl and Mr. Incredible from The Incredibles, which I hope was obvious, but they can't reveal their super identities just yet! Mr. Incredible as super-strength, and Elastigirl has…super-stretchy abilities. Make of it what you will. Their kids…will not be in this race! They're too young to drive! Well, Dash is, and he wouldn't need a car.**

**Chris and Elise: Not going to blame you for not knowing these two. They're from Dan Vs., a great cartoon about an angry little man who wanted to get revenge on anything and everything that bothered him (Dan, of course), and he ended up dragging his best friend Chris and Chris' wife Elise along with him in his crazy schemes. Chris tolerates Dan, and Elise outright hates him. Wouldn't you hate someone that was making your spouse commit acts of hilarious terror? How did this show get cancelled, you may ask? Bronies. Thanks a lot, Mr. Enter. Chris is just your average, passive man, and Elise is his wife…who also has a secret identity as "Dancing Shadow" working for a "shadowy, quasi-government agency". Hmm, wonder why she's here with some undercover superheroes, even though she doesn't want to be here? ;) (Hopefully this sub-plot will go somewhere).**

**Princess Peach and Toadsworth: You should know these two—a princess and her old guardian, and inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom. I pretty much have freedom with their personalities here since they don't really have any, like Mario and Luigi. Let's hope that Peach and Toadsworth learn to get along!**

**There are a few things I'd like to say regarding this race:**

**Expect some cameos and plot twists. Like I said, there will be sub-plots planned out.**

**Expect some new race concepts. You'll think they're interesting, trust me!**

**Due to the fact that some teams here have powers and some don't, each clue related to a task will say "Powers banned", or "Powers permitted" at the end. Since not all teams have powers, tasks where no one is allowed to use them will put them all on an even playing field—but at detours teams with powers could falsely assume that a challenge will be easier if it allows powers versus another one that doesn't. Isn't it great how there's room for everyone to mess up? ;) "Powers" include natural abilities or even just signature weapons. The racers with powers are: Olimar, Mai, Tai Lee, Bender, Sunflora, Loudred, Vegeta, Nappa, Elastigirl, Mr. Incredible, Ms. Bitters, Slim, Arachne, and Peach. So that's 4 teams that have one member with powers, 5 teams where both members have powers, and 2 teams where neither member has powers. Don't worry, it's not going to be unfair for them, trust me. My rule for this is to prevent the craziness of last season, so now you can only use powers on certain tasks, and only when permitted.**

**I sure hope everyone who reads this enjoys this Amazing Race! Not holding my breath, though.**


	2. I'll cut your lips (Leg 1, part 2)

Leg 1:?, part 1: I'll cut your lips and force you to smile!

The Hocotatians were the first to arrive, and their car emerged from the wormhole and accelerated down another ramp. The President's rapidly beating heart had heightened his senses, and so his bulging eyes quickly saw the clue box not far from where the ramp ended.

"Olimar! Stop when you get off the ramp! There's a cluebox!" He cried. It took Olimar a few seconds to register, and so by the time he saw the cluebox he swerved rapidly, accidentally bumping his car into the cluebox, making the metal bend where it had hit.

The Hocotatians got out, and quickly grabbed the clue, much to the surprise of a gingerbread man who happened to be nearby.

"I knew we should have put s-something on the ramp to slow the cars down," he muttered as Olimar grabbed the clue and read it.

"Drive to Plum Woods…" he read.

_Teams must now drive several miles east to Plum Woods for their next clue. Plum Woods is exactly what you think it is: a forest full of plum trees! Teams will find their next clue at the edge of clearing, provided that they follow the purple road._

"You know what? I think I'll drive now!" the President declared. "This is now officially Hocotate freight business, and this will be our company car for the rest of the leg!"

"Don't make excuses to take the wheel from me, if you didn't want me going insanely fast then you should have just driven it yourself! We would have come in last, just like you wanted!"

"I didn't want us to come in last!" the President protested. "I just didn't want to get killed driving recklessly! We're both over 40, we shouldn't be doing crazy stuff unless it's absolutely necessary!"

"It WAS necessary to start in the lead! Now let's go!" Olimar said.

_"__The start of our race has been paradoxically good and bad," said the President. "I stand by what I said before: Olimar is an asset and a liability. Maybe once he reunites with his Pikmin he'll mellow out."_

"Have fun in Candyland!" the gingerbread man waved as the Hocotatians drove away at a reasonable speed.

"What did he say?" Olimar asked.

"I don't know, 'Happen on Bandyrand?" the President guessed. In his rearview mirror, he could see 3 more cars behind them, all approaching the cluebox.

Hocotatians: currently in First

Tai Lee was very excited to see two teams show up shortly after her own.

"We're going to some place called Plum Woods! You guys wanna be our allies?" Tai Lee asked. Mai facepalmed.

"No," Ms. Bitters said simply. Chris and Elise looked at each other for a moment.

"We, uh, don't think that's a good idea right now," Elise said finally.

"But we can still try and pass each other when we go through the woods," Chris suggested, to Tai Lee's relief.

"Chris!" Elise rasped.

"Sorry, I just wanted to cheer her up."

"Plum Woods, hmm? Sounds delicious," Ms. Puff mused as she and Ms. Bitters returned to their car.

"Quick, let's get moving so we can follow them and pass'em!" Chris suggested.

"What's with your newfound obsession with winning?" Elise asked.

"Isn't that what we want to do in this race?" Chris asked.

_"__I was a little disappointed that both teams said no to an alliance," Tai Lee said. "Oh well, looks like our opportunity to deceive two teams and reduce competition will have to come later rather than sooner! Tee hee!"_

_"__What was Tai Lee thinking?" Mai asked. She had no idea of Tai Lee's ulterior motive._

Fire nation girls: currently in second

Teachers: currently in third

Normal couple: currently in fourth

The Hocotatians drove smoothly through the Plum Woods of Candyland, following the purple road as per instructions.

"All of these plums are making me hungry! But I must drive on!" the President mused. Olimar was also staring at the plums, his mind wandering to Purple Pikmin.

"Do you think we could make ultra-bitter spray out of this stuff?" he asked.

"We don't have the ship, remember?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Tai Lee, you said this race would be fun," Mai complained as they followed the Hocotatians at a steady pace. "So far all I've seen here is plums, plums and…the car ahead of us."

"Oh, stop complaining and lighten up, dammit! Or I'll cut your lips and force you to smile!" Tai Lee yelled. Mai's eyes widened. "Heheheh…just kidding!"

"Sure you were."

"There's too much sunlight filtering through these trees!" Ms. Bitters complained. "I was hoping for a more dark and forlorn forest, but I guess that's too much to ask out of Candy land. More like type 2 diabetes land."

"I've never been much of a candy person, but I keep expecting to see SpongeBob pop out from behind a tree or something," Mrs. Puff admitted.

"That's just paranoia. You're safe with an individual like me on your side. That yellow fool won't know what hit him if crosses my path. Trust me, I've dealt with unruly students. And I just can't stand to see a fellow teacher go through this. We're teachers, and we stick together through thick and thin!"

Mrs. Puff thought that comment was ironic since she was thick and Ms. Bitters was thin, but said nothing.

Normal couple: currently in Fourth

"Chris, do you know where we're going?" Elise asked.

"Sure! We're on the red and white path!" he replied. "Why do you ask?"

"I saw the other teams take the purple road."

"You mean I'm not following them anymore? When did they do this?"

"When you were programming the GPS," Elise replied.

"YOU MISSED THE TURN, FOOL!" the GPS yelled mockingly.

"Crap, we've gone the wrong way! I'm so, so, so, so…"

"Sorry, I get it. That's fine, it's just a setback," Elise said. "Let's see, for clarification, the clue said…wait, where's the clue?"

"…We forgot to get it back there."

Elise slumped in her seat grumpily but said nothing.

MC Mobs: currently in Fifth

Texans: currently in Sixth

"Quick! Get the clue before the humans do!" Arachne cried. Slim got out of the car and quickly reached into the cluebox with her long arms and withdrew a clue.

"Drive to Plum Woods and follow the purple road," she read, but was interrupted at the end by a loud "Hi!" from Luanne.

"Hey, I'm Luanne, and this is my Aunt Peggy!" she said, pointing to Peggy. "She's been so kind to me and providin' for me and my husband, Lucky, and—"

"No need for intros, let's just keep racin'!" Peggy ordered, grabbing a clue. "Let's see, something about Plum Woods and purple roads."

"This place's favorite color must be purple," Luanne concluded. "Where are we, anyway?"

"Well, given that I saw a red and white striped pole back by the ramp, I think we're in some place that's full of candy," Slim concluded.

"You mean…we're in Candyland?! SQUEEEE!" Luanne squealed with delight.

"Oh. That doesn't seem very excit—" Peggy began as the teams went back to the car.

"OH MY GOD, AUNT PEGGY! WE ARE IN CANDY LAND! EHEHAAHAHEHEHAHAHOOO!" Luanne shrieked with excitement. "We can go stuff ourselves silly and then not worry about bein' fat since they probably have stuff here that can make you throw it all up and then eat some more and—"

"Candyland?!" Arachne cried as she and Slim returned to their car. "Ok, new objective for later in the race: we need to stop by the Peanut Brittle lady's house! I know that she's related to Little Miss Moppet, and—"

"Arachne…"

"Don't dissuade me from this! We're going to scare Little Miss Moppet out of her disgusting curds and whey!"

"That's not candy, though."

"It's not? Then what is?" Slim proceeded to the various different types of candy, and how candy-makers like the dastardly Willy Wonka scam people be making them think that just because some candy has fruit flavors that it's actually made with real fruit.

"Willy Wonka is a shnook!" Arachne declared.

"Hey, Luanne, who just passed us going the other way?" Peggy asked as she drove.

"I think it's that couple with the guy who wears the socks with his sandals," Luanne said.

"Why would anyone do that?" Peggy questioned. "He doesn't know the first thing about fashion! Even less than I myself know about fashion!"

MC Mobs: currently in Fourth

Texans: currently in Fifth

Normal couple: currently in Sixth

Olimar and the President finally arrived at the clearing at Plum Woods, where a cluebox lay waiting for them. They got out and read it.

"Roadblock: Who can catch what others drop?" Olimar asked. "Sounds slightly more like me than you."

_A roadblock, in case you're a viewer with a bad memory or a total noob (lol), is a task that only one team member may perform. For this roadblock, one team member must catch the plums tossed from the trees randomly by nimble gingerbread men. There are enough gingerbread men and trees for 5 teams to perform at once. Teams must catch the plums tossed in their baskets, and there is no penalty for accidentally spilling some. Once teams catch 20 plums, they can exchange their basket of plums with Plumpy for their next clue. Powers permitted._

A green, furry-looking troll thing waved at them as Olimar stepped into the clearing. Blowing his whistle as loudly as he could, Pikmin inexplicably appeared from nowhere and from the ground, coming to his aid. But since the rock and fairy Pikmin were back on the Pikmin planet he could only use the five main colors.

"Ok, yellows only! Everybody else go home!" Olimar ordered. The Pikmin who weren't yellow went away, feeling miserable. The yellows hi-fived and flipped around. Olimar took his basket in one hand while throwing yellow Pikmin up into the trees, letting them deal with the gingerbread men.

"Give us the plums!" a tiny, squeaky Pikmin voice cried as he proceeded to beat his assigned gingerbread man. Plums were tossed out of the tree at Olimar's whim, and the Hocotatian got to work catching plums, although several of them he failed to catch.

Olimar: 3/20 plums

The Saiyans arrived just as Chris and Elise were going back to the cluebox to grab a clue.

"Out of my way, filthy Earth people! I have a lead to achieve!" Vegeta cried, shoving Chris. He wanted to do the same to Elise but she ducked out of the way of his arm with surprising reflexes, although he was too frantic getting the clue to notice.

"Ok, we have to follow a certain color road," he muttered as he and Nappa left. "I'm driving since I don't want to take any chances with your color literacy."

"Hey!" Nappa protested, offended. "I may be brash and hasty, but I'm not stupid! I know what purple looks like!"

"Ok, what it does it look like, then?"

"…I don't know, purple?!"

"See? I'm driving."

"Why didn't you stop him?" Chris asked Goku as he rubbed his sore face and Elise pointlessly read the clue due to race rules about reading it aloud.

"Sorry," Goku shrugged. "Shoving people at clueboxes is perfectly acceptable. It happened in Season 14. Didn't you watch that?"

"No. I only watched a trailer for the show!" Chris lamented. But he and Elise went back and carried on as usual, just as Peach, Toadsworth, Sunflora and Loudred showed up.

"Excuse me, sir and madam," Toadsworth began as Peach read the clue. "I believe in alliance might be in order? Or at least a pact of neutrality?"

"Well, you two seem nice. I don't suppose it wouldn't hurt," Sunflora decided. "After all, it makes sense since there's another race going on with several Pokemon teams racing around, and they've gone to the Mushroom Kingdom quite a few times."

"Uh, I don't think we're allowed to mention other TAR fanfics," Peach said nervously. But the producers "forgot" to edit this out.

"I REALLY hope the comrades can put their act TOGETHER!" Loudred mused.

"Quite. I believe those two Eevee-athletes are poised to victory!" Toadsworth suggested.

"I kind of hope Team Pink wins," Peach said. "Pink is my favorite color! Although I guess that's obvious."

"Who cares about their race?" Sunflora said. "We have our own race, remember?"

So the teams went on.

Saiyans: currently in Sixth

Normal couple: currently in Seventh

Mushroomites: currently in Eighth

Guildmates: currently in Ninth

Back at the Plum Woods clearing, Mai and Tai Lee were next to arrive at the Roadblock. Watching Olimar perform the task, Tai Lee knew that this Roadblock was hers. She immediately got to work, jumping from the trunks of the trees and dive-bombing with her basket held upwards to catch plums that were being tossed towards the center of the clearing and across to other trees.

"She's too good! Stop her!" Olimar cried.

"It's cheating to sabotage other racers!" the President told him from the sidelines.

"How do you know?"

"It's in the handbook!"

"Guh, fine. Cancel that order!" and so Tai Lee was safe.

"Nice going there," Mai said to the President.

"I just don't want any more trouble than there needs to be," he explained.

_"__There's probably a penalty for cheating or something," the President said. "And messing up other teams during tasks sounds just like it! At Hocotate freight, we only hire people with integrity and good morals! Which Olimar USED to have…"_

The teachers arrived next.

"Roadblock: Who can catch things others drop?" Ms. Bitters read. Scanning the scene before her, she added, "Puff, do you think you can handle this one?"

"All right, I'll do my best!" she said, rushing out with a basket.

Olimar: 7/20 plums

Tai Lee: 6/20 plums

Mrs. Puff 1/20 plums

Back at the ramp, Fry and Bender were among the last of the teams to get to the clue box, although the Supers were close behind.

"How nice! Somebody bent the pole just for me!" Bender said, grabbing the clue box from the ground and bending it back into shape before putting it back.

"Ok, we follow a purple road," Fry said. "I hope they don't make us eat plums. I heard the Professor say something about doing that after drinking slurm, and I had a couple of cans this morning."

"No, no, you're thinking of Diet Coke and Mentos!" Bender reassured him. "And I don't see why you'd want to drink something that isn't alcoholic!"

"Bender…?" Fry asked nervously. "Why is there an elongated arm stretching around behind you?"

"What, you mean aside from my own?" Bender asked. He twisted his head around owl-style (remember them from the last season?) and saw a human hand snaking around, grabbing a clue and snatching it away before he could get going.

"Great job, honey!" "Bob" cried as "Helen" snaked her hand and the clue through the car window.

Supers: currently in 10th

"They didn't even have to get out of the car!" Fry cried in surprise. "Now we're in last!"

Future buddies: currently in Last

"Don't rub in it with your stupid captions!" Bender cried, smashing and bending the caption at the lower left-hand corner of the screen. By the time he was done it was just a crumbled up pile of letters.


	3. Meat, candy, same thing (Leg 1, part 3)

Leg 1: Candyland, part 2:

In the Plum Woods at the Roadblock, the teams were still struggling to catch the plums as Slim and Arachne arrived.

"Roadblock…YOU!" Arachne cried pointing one of her 8 legs at Slim.

"Me? Are you sure?" Slim asked.

"It says 'powers permitted', right? Just get out there and catch some plums so I can eat them later!" Arachne ordered. Sure enough, she was correct: it was easy for Slim to catch the plums since she could just teleport around everywhere.

Olimar: 9/20 plums

Tai Lee: 14/20 plums

Mrs. Puff: 7/20 plums

Slim: 4/20 plums

Peggy and Luanne were next to arrive.

"I've caught my fair share of Bobby's dirty clothes when he tosses them around his room, as well as Hank's empty beer cans when he tosses them around the alley. This shouldn't be too hard!" Peggy said. And so she did the Roadblock.

"Olimar, Tai Lee is beating you!" The President cried from the sidelines.

Mai looked on, trying to contain her gleeful smile.

"Hurry, Puff! The warper is gaining on you!" Ms. Bitters cried. "I knew I should have taken this challenge. I just didn't want to get too much sunlight from it all."

"Beat'em, Slim! Beat all of'em!" Arachne cried.

"Go, Aunt Peggy!" Luanne cried, cheering and giggling like a madwoman.

Olimar: 12/20 plums

Tai Lee: 17/20 plums

Mrs. Puff: 10/20 plums

Slim: 9/20 plums

Peggy 3/20 plums

Minutes later, one team finished.

"Here is your next clue!" Plumpy said to that team. I think it's obvious which one it is.

"Route info," Mai said as she began to read the next clue.

_Teams must drive to the Gumdrop Mountains and go through Sugary Pass. Once they get through, they will find their next clue waiting for them._

"Well, then, let's go!" Tai Lee cried excitedly.

"The enthusiasm is mutual, for once," Mai remarked.

_"__I knew that breezing through a task and using it to come in first was all that was needed to turn Mai's frown upside down! Now we can concentrate on the REAL important things in this race, like beating out other teams and getting that money!"_

_"__Tai Lee's enthusiasm is good, but a bit frightening," Mai said. "I feel that there's a chance this could blow up in our faces later."_

Fire nation girls: currently in First

As the girls were leaving, the Saiyans arrived.

"Ok, there are a bunch of teams here, so whatever it is I'm doing it!" Vegeta declared. And so he did, warping around like Slim did, but with less grace and more power. If that's even possible with teleporting.

"If you bash into anyone during the task…" Goku warned.

"What are you going to do, chop my head off with an energy blast?!" Vegeta asked angrily.

"Yes."

"Oh."

Olimar: 16/20 plums

Mrs. Puff: 12/20 plums

Slim: 14/20 plums

Peggy: 8/20 plums

Vegeta: 3/20 plums

Chris and Elise were next.

"Well, I'd say you're good at picking stuff up," Chris said.

"As long as you don't mean that in a sexist, housewife way, I'll do the task," Elise said.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that a lot of times the house gets dirty and you pick up stuff that I drop. I swear, I've been trying to get better at that…"

"Chris…"

"Could you two lovebirds stop showing off your successful marriage in our faces?!" Arachne shouted. "We're TRYING to cheer on our teammates in a high stakes plum-catching task!"

"Sorry," they both said in reply.

_"__I think Arachne has some issues," Elise said. "She yelled a lot at Slim, but she just seemed to take it in stride. I don't even know what they're relationship is with each other."_

_"__I got to talk to Arachne during the Roadblock," Chris said. "She's not all that bad, just a bit brash for reasons that…she kind of got upset over so I won't mention them. Nappa liked it, but it just freaked me out. It reminded me too much of…Dan. She doesn't seem to be vengeful, though. She seems to process hardship a bit differently. Maybe it has something to do with being a spider? Still, it's clear that she has some issues she needs to work out. Maybe Slim is just sort of her punching bag. She's a good friend to her, I think."_

_"__Arachne was really embarrassing," Slim admitted. "But sometimes her remarks make me laugh. Of course, a distraction was the last thing I needed."_

_"__What? You want me to talk about that? Nothing really happened there. Isn't there anything more interesting you'd rather ask me about? I just made one comment and said nothing more. You're welcome for the ratings boost! And by the way, Chris and Elise are in their second year of marriage. No kids yet, and it really showed by their conduct. Heh heh heh…they won't survive. Hehehehehe…"_

Olimar was finishing up just as Elise began.

"Great job, Olimar! We'll catch up to the girls in a jiffy!" the President said as they left.

"Thanks, Pikmin!" Olimar cried, waving goodbye to the yellow Pikmin, who ran off into the deeper regions of Plum Woods. "You were a great help…even though we lost our lead."

"Next we go to some place called Gumdrop mountains!" the President said as they got back to their car and got their clue from Plumpy.

"Ah…gumdrops. My son was addicted to those things as a kid," Olimar mused.

_"__I think he misses his family," the President said. "And yet he also considers the Pikmin to be like his family, too…and mere as this weird tag-along brother to replace Louie. But I just want to go home, not that I have anything against the Pikmin personally. I just want Olimar to realize that his adventure days are coming to an end. His family needs him, and it's time for a new generation of pilots to command the Pikmin. Not that he'd listen to me."_

Mrs. Puff: 15/20 plums

Slim: 18/20 plums

Peggy: 11/20 plums

Vegeta: 7/20 plums

Elise: 4/20 plums

Peach and Toadsworth arrived just as Slim was finishing up.

"GREAT! Now let's roll!" Arachne cried, dashing past Peach with the clue. "We're going to some place with some gumdrop mountains in it!"

MC mobs: currently in Third

"Hm-hm! Princess, can you handle this task? I'm afraid running around to catch some plums would be a bit too strenuous for me," Toadsworth said.

"That's fine!" Peach said.

_"__Just my luck," Peach said. "We just HAD to get a physical task first! Oh, well, hopefully Toadsworth will come in handy soon. I found my quasi-floating abilities to be really helpful here!"_

Mrs. Puff: 19/20 plums

Peggy: 14/20 plums

Vegeta: 14/20 plums

Elise: 12/20 plums

Peach: 5/20 plums

The last 3 teams arrived just as Mrs. Puff was leaving and Vegeta was surpassing Peggy in terms of plums.

"We're going to the…gumdrop mountains," Ms. Bitters grumbled. "Leave it to the producers to make us travel to some sort of colorful, happy, sugary, hell-hole."

"Oh, it shouldn't be that bad," Mrs. Puff reassured her.

_"__I hate Candyland solely because I hate candy. I don't see how anyone could stand living here!"Ms. Bitters complained._

Teachers: currently in Fourth

The last three teams arrived just as the Saiyans and the Texans were finishing up. Vegeta finished slightly before Peggy.

"Yeah, Vegeta!" Nappa cheered. "You beat the old hag and her cute lover!"

"Nappa, that's her niece," Vegeta corrected her. "And don't tell me you're falling head over heels for an earth woman?"

"Well, you did."

"…That's different! Bulma was…well…it's none of your business!"

Meanwhile…

"Aunt Peggy, I think that bald guy likes me. How do I tell him I-?"

"Not interested? Oh, easy leave it to me, honey," Peggy said as the two teams collected their clues.

"Uh…well…" Luanne decided not to say anything else.

_"__I mean, well I'm married to Lucky, but…Nappa's hot! And I think he thinks that about me, too. Aren't too people that think they're hot supposed to…you know? I mean, that's how Lucky and I met."_

_"__Luanne is…a complete idiot when it comes to relationships," Peggy said. "The only reason she married Lucky was because he got her pregnant, and she just couldn't resist marrying one of her own trailer-trash kind! I'll be honest, I wish she could have done better. She could have been the best darn hair-stylist in Texas, but instead…sigh. But, I guess she's happy that way."_

_"__Nappa is..a complete idiot in anything except combat," Vegeta said. "And even then he's not the brightest. Thankfully Luanne is married. Still, this will be really annoying if the two earth women are constantly tailing us. By the way…WHY HAVE I BEEN ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE EQUATED WITH TWO LOW-POWERED HILLBILLIES?!" I really need to step up my game. At least I think that's the appropriate expression. Kakerot, is that-?"_

_"__Yes!"_

_"__Ok, thanks."_

Saiyans: currently in Fifth

Texans: currently in Sixth

For the last 3 teams, Sunflora, "Helen" and Bender elected to perform the task. But we're not going to focus on them right now.

Mai and Ty Lee were on their way to the Gumdrop Mountains, driving through the candy plains.

"I wonder if we get to do something like hang-glide off the mountains!" Tai Lee suggested to Mai.

"I doubt it," Mai said. "Thrilling tasks won't translate well in written form. What concerns me, though, is this 'Sugary Pass'. There are probably quite a few passes through these mountains, and if we mess up it might take us a while to traverse through the place."

So once the girls saw what appeared to be a hopping gumdrop with a face on it, they stopped their car to ask it for directions.

"We're looking for Sugary Pass," Mai asked. "How do we find it? Are there multiple passes we should be aware of?"

"Oh, thanks for asking little ol' me!" said the gumdrop in a very light-hearted, Mickey Mouse-esque accent. "The Sugary Pass runs straight through the mountains, while all the others meander through it and intersect with each other! Look for the path that nearly cuts straight through!"

"Ok, thanks!" Tai Lee replied, and the girls drove off.

_"__I think we have this whole leg in the bag," Mai said. "Maybe even the entire race, but I don't want to be that hopeful."_

But they had been watched. The Hocotatians weren't far behind them, and Olimar told the President: "We're following them."

"What about asking the gumdrop ourselves for clarification?" the President asked.

"Too risky, that could give another team the chance to pass us," Olimar warned.

_"__I've had to work under pressure and time limits before. This is much more intense than repairing a ship in 30 days, I'll admit, though," Olimar said._

But, sure enough…

"GO FASTER! THEY'RE PASSING US!" Olimar cried. Sure enough, the MC mobs were approaching fast in their car's rearview mirrors.

"I'm not going to go insanely fast on a dirt road!" the President told him. "We can tail them easily, anyway. What matters is that we don't lose sight of…"

"We're losing sight of the girls!" Olimar cried in dismay.

"…You can drive when we get the clue from the pass."

"Mmm…gumdrops…" Arachne mused as Slim drove. "Do you think we'll get to eat something during this leg?"

"If so, then we'd both do the task since we already did a Roadblock. I thought you liked meat, anyway," Slim said.

"Eh, meat, candy, same thing."

"No, they're not. Meat is…"

Arachne dozed off while Slim explained what meat was, since she already knew.

_"__I was just being facetious!" Arachne insisted. "I sure hope I'm using that word right."_

Fire nation girls: currently in First

MC mobs: currently in Second

Hocotatians: currently in Third

Back at Plum Woods, the last 5 teams scrambled for plums. "Helen" and Bender had quite the advantage with their respective abilities to stretch their arms.

"You're doing great, Elise! You're ahead of everyone else here!" Chris called out.

"Smashing job there, Princess! But push on! You won't be fit to rule the kingdom until you can catch 20 plums!" Toadsworth cried.

"Go, go, SUNFLORA!" Loudred cried. "Use your MOVES!"

_"__I know Loudred was trying to help, but I didn't need to use any moves," Sunflora explained. "As a Grass-type, I just sort of knew what to do. Pretending that the plums were little baby Sunkerns being chucked to the ground to be eaten by Swellows certainly helped. What, you thought Pokemon never ate each other?"_

"Go for second! Go for second!" "Bob" told "Helen".

_"__I can't believe he used the same thing he told Dash at the track meet for me!" "Helen" said. "In public like that? What was he thinking?!"_

"Do it for the beers! Do it for the babes! Do it to prove robot superiority!" Fry cried.

"Robots…are…SUPERIOOOOOR!" Bender yelled as he ran around.

Elise: 20/20 plums

Peach: 10/20 plums

Sunflora: 8/20 plums

"Helen": 6/20 plums

Bender: 6/20 plums

Meanwhile, back at the CandyLand plains, another set of teams was traveling.

"I think that mountain pass up ahead is the one we need," Mrs. Puff said. "Thank goodness we bought those maps back at that hollow tree."

"Yes, but I'm not sure if that owl was trustworthy," Ms. Bitters remarked. "We'll just have to find out when we get there."

Teachers: currently in Fourth

"Wait…who's that behind us?" Ms. Bitters asked. Sure enough, the Saiyans came speeding past in their car. Rolling down their windows, Vegeta cried, "It'll be a cold day in Hell when you beat us!" Nappa responded by mooning them briefly before they went on.

"It'll be a cold day in Hell when SpongeBob gets his license," Mrs. Puff remarked.

"It's not so cold there, really," Ms. Bitters said. "Dante was completely ignorant."

"And you know this because…?" Mrs. Puff decided not to ask when Ms. Bitters hissed in response.

_"__I've been to all sorts of places…and I've come back. The race will never go where I've been. Most of these fools wouldn't make it out alive."_

Saiyans: currently in Fourth

Teachers: currently in Fifth

"Aunt Peggy…are we lost?" Luanne asked.

"No, Luanne, don't be ridiculous! I, Peggy Hill, am a master navigator. Just because the Saiyans are far ahead of us and we don't have any reference points out in this vast, candy-filled plains doesn't mean that we're lost."

"Oh…I guess I shouldn't worry, then," Luanne decided. "Oh, hey, look, there are the gumdrop mountains now! And there's the pass!"

"See, what did I tell you?"

Texans: currently in Sixth

"Oh, I'm so proud! You left 4 teams in the dust!" Chris said as he drove while Elise rested. "You know, you never told me where you learned to do all those dives and rolls like that."

"Work stuff," Elise said.

"What kind of boss teaches his employees to do that?" Chris asked.

"It was some company thing. They…wanted all the female employees to take self-defense classes," Elise explained nervously.

"You always sound so cute mentioning work," Chris said obliviously.

"Uh…yeah…thanks," Elise said.

_"__Chris doesn't know what I do for a living. And the viewers won't, either," she said. "All I'm worried about is whether or not the Supers can catch up. If they're too far behind or go out on the first leg then…the mission is compromised."_

Normal couple: currently in Seventh

The Gumdrop Mountains, meanwhile, were just what you would think they were: giant gumdrops that served as steep mountains. Mai and Tai Lee drove through Sugary Pass and found a cluebox halfway through, sticking out somewhat ominously.

"Huh…nobody here in these, empty, sugary mountains," Tai Lee remarked. Mai read the clue while she observed the eerie/colorful scenery.

"Detour: Chew or Gulp? Sounds dirty."

_A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. But you really should have known that by now! ;)_

_In Chew, teams must go to Licorice Castle and enter the dining room, where there will be trays with tons of covered dinner plates awaiting them. Each one contains 2 sticks of licorice. Teams must uncover the plates one at a time until they find a pair of red licorice sticks. If they find black licorice sticks instead, the teams must eat them and move on. This task is simple, but it could be time-consuming if teams aren't lucky. Powers banned._

_In Gulp, teams must travel to the Ice Cream Sea and gather the following ingredients: 2 cone barnacles, 3 flavor polyps (one chocolate, one strawberry, and one vanilla), and a cherry fish. Once all of the ingredients have been found. This task is straightforward, but teams who aren't the strongest swimmers are better off doing the other task. Powers banned._

"We're Fire Nation, we hate getting wet," Mai said. "But I'm not taking chances with the licorice…even though I think black licorice is delicious."

"Gulp sounds like fun!" Tai Lee said. "Don't you want to see the ice-cream people?"

"Not particularly…"

_"__It was quite a dilemma here, but I eventually decided on…"_

"Chew," Mai said.

"Aww…I wanted to do gulp," Tai Lee complained. "But I don't want to fight you, either."

"You can pick next time," Mai sighed.

During their decision-making, the MC Mobs went over and got their clue as well.

"Huh, you passed the Hocotatians. Well done," Mai said with as much warmth as she could, which was ironically little.

"And we'll pass you two in a heartbeat as well!" Arachne taunted, bearing her fangs she and Slim high-tailed it out of the mountain pass. "Hey, Slim, how come you didn't stop me by saying that was rude?" Arachne asked.

"_I have to admit, I was so caught up in the thrill of the race that I didn't mind Arachne being a bit…like herself," Slim said. "But I felt awful afterwards."_

"Well, whatever you were thinking, we're going to have to do Chew," she said.

"Why is that?" Slim asked. She read the clue and her eyes widened with fear for a moment before relaxing.

"…Oh. I see."

Fire nation girls: Currently in First

MC mobs: currently in Second


	4. Scuba masksSpace suits (Leg 1, part 4)

Fire nation girls: Currently in First

MC mobs: currently in Second

As the two of them were exiting the pass, the Hocotatians were going inside.

"Chew or Gulp?" Olimar asked.

"Oh, so I have some autonomy now?" the President asked.

"Well, yeah, you're the President," Olimar said. "You get to make all the important decisions."

"Then what about before…?"

"Didn't count."

"Oh. Gulp, then. I don't think we should be relying on luck too much. Plus those blues would be great help."

"That's exactly what I was thinking! Good call!" Olimar replied.

Hocotatians: currently in Third

As they were leaving, the Saiyans were entering.

"Seen the Texans?" Vegeta asked them.

"No, why do you ask?" the President asked.

"GREAT! I knew those two would get lost!" Vegeta cried happily. "Now we can actually race without having to worry about bimbos at our backs. Come on, Nappa!" They went over to the clue.

"Oh, let's do…" Nappa began. "Oh, no wait, our powers are banned for both, it says."

"I could use a nice swim," Vegeta said. "Besides, we're fanservice-y enough for the task."

"Why would it matter?" Nappa asked.

"It doesn't. The whole point of them putting the task here is in hopes that the teams with attractive members will do the tasks that make them strip down. Except sometimes it messes up and the ugly teams end up doing it instead."

"Wait…so you think I'm ugly?" Nappa asked, feeling hurt.

"…Yes, Nappa, I do." Vegeta said flatly, concealing his sarcasm well.

Nappa had to stifle some tears.

_"__He…he…he said I was ugly! I'll show him!"_ _Nappa angrily cried._

_"__I didn't want to do some boring licorice-task, but I knew that there was a chance Nappa would protest," Vegeta said. "So I thought 'What do we Saiyans pride ourselves with the most?' Aside from ability to fight and dominate, it's our good looks. Seriously, every Saiyan had a six-pack back in the day. Even the babies and old people! Planet Vegeta—the planet, not me—got destroyed by Frieza because he was jealous that his body prevented him from getting muscles like ours!" Vegeta insisted. "And of course Nappa fell for it so easily! It was like…taking candy form a baby! What an appropriate Earth expression!"_

Saiyans: currently in Fourth

The teachers were next to arrive at the cluebox.

"Oh, we're definitely doing Gulp!" Mrs. Puff declared.

"No, it's Chew that we're doing," Ms. Bitters said. I know this Lord Licorice fellow, the guy who owns the place. Plus I'd rather be in a grim environment, eating bitter food, then in some obscenely happy place full of fun and cold sunshine."

"Ok…we'll flip a coin," Mrs. Puff suggested. "Heads we do what I want, tails we do what you want." It was tails.

"Chew it is!" Ms. Bitters said.

_"__I can't believe I had to choose between 'Chew' or 'Gulp' like that…I won't hear the end of this at the next Teacher's Association Meeting," Mrs. Puff remarked._

Teachers: currently in Fifth

"So…Peggy…are you sure we're not lost?" Luanne asked as they traveled through the Gumdrop Mountains.

"Luanne, I'm telling you, we'll be fine!" Peggy said. "It just might…take a bit longer than I thought at first."

Chris and Elise arrived at the cluebox next.

"Ok, Chew or Gulp?" Elise asked.

"A swim in the Ice Cream Sea sounds fun, but cold," Chris said. "I really should have brought a bear of swim trunks."

"The pink man-kini was cheap!" Elise insisted. "Besides, you wanted to buy it at first."

"I did, but then I got stuck on an island with Dan, remember?" Chris asked. "It suddenly occurred to me that _that _was not a good thing to wear."

"Oh, relax, the cameras will be focused on me, anyway," Elise reassured him. "Didn't you remember what I explained to you about the fanservice tasks?"

"Fanservice?" Chris asked.

"It's a long story. Let's just get the clue—this time—and get in the car."

Normal couple: currently in Sixth

Back at the Plum Woods Roadblock, the four remaining teams fought desperately to avoid last. But since Peach and Toadsworth had gotten there first, they naturally finished first, but just barely.

"We're off to some place called Sugary Pass!" Toadsworth told her as they left.

Meanwhile, the last 3 teams scrambled even more frantically to catch the plums, finishing all around the same time.

"Go, go, GOOOO!" Loudred cried, grabbing Sunflora with the clue in his giant mouth and getting into the car. Bender did the same, grabbing Fry and the clue and stuffing them both in his chest compartment. The Supers followed right behind them.

Mushroomites: currently in Eighth

Last 3 teams: fighting desperately to avoid last

Eventually, though, Fry and Bender, thanks to Bender's abuse of the gas in their car, accelerated ahead of the trio of cars.

"We have a chance! We really have a chance!" Fry cried as he crawled out of Bender's chest compartment.

"Candyland, prepare to be eaten!" Bender yelled. "By Fry."

"Yeah! Wait, what? I don't want to eat _too _much candy," Fry said.

"Oh my gosh! This isn't good! We might be out of the race for sure!" Sunflora said worriedly. "The team behind us did some pretty weird stuff at the Detour. In fact, I'd say that they're…"

"Elastigirl and Mr. Incredible?" Loudred asked. "THE INCREDIBLES?!"

"Well, yes. I suppose it was kind of obvious, wasn't it?" Sunflora replied casually. "I can't believe I didn't recognize them at first, until 'Helen' started using her stretchy powers. And we're the only ones that know. Well, us, Bender, Fry, Peach, Toadsworth, Bill, the production team, and maybe Chris and Elise."

"So it's no SECRET, then," Loudred concluded.

"We'll make it, Bob. Don't you worry," Elastigirl reassured him.

"Why would I be worried? We're Supers, we can do anything!" Mr. Incredible said with confidence.

Future Buddies: currently in Ninth

Guildmates: currently in Tenth

Supers: currently in Last

The Fire Nation girls and the MC Mobs quickly arrived at Licorice Castle. Some weird guy in a dark red and black outfit that looked incredibly goofy escorted them to his dining room.

"Now…" he said, "Enjoy…the horrible, evil, black LICORICE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"That's racist!" Tai Lee said. Lord Licorice sighed.

"I know. But they're paying me to say it because they think it will boost ratings…and get me sued," he lamented.

Mai and Tai Lee opened up a plate to find…black licorice. Slim and Arachne found the same thing as well.

"Yuck!" Tai Lee and Slim said.

"Yum!" Mai and Arachne said.

Fire nation girls and MC mobs: currently tied for First

Back at the Gumdrop mountains, a realization finally dawned upon Luanne:

"Aunt Peggy, we're lost."

"We are not lost, Luanne, for the last freakin' time!" Peggy shouted. As she was driving they finally arrived at a dead end in the mountains.

"Ok, we're lost. I'll ask for directions," Peggy sighed. "HEY YOU!" she shrieked at a hopping gum-drop person. "Could you tell us where Sugary Pass is?" the local happily complied and gave directions, which Luanne wrote down, although she misspelled quite a few words.

_"__I'm a little worried that Peggy isn't smart enough for this race," Luanne said. "We might lose because of some mistake."_

_"__That was one fluke, but you know what? I'm not going to let it defeat me," Peggy insisted. "I can just keep going."_

By the time the Texans got there, they could see a team's car approaching the Sugary Pass from another direction.

"Ok, Luanne, hold on. I'm gonna make a sharp left turn into the pass and cut them off!" Peggy cried.

"Uh…Toadsworth?" Peach asked, meanwhile.

"Not now, Princess! The terrain is getting a bit uneven, and…UAAGH!" Toadsworth cried as Peggy made a sharp turn to pass him, nearly giving him another heart attack. But he managed to regain his nerves.

_"__The nerve of that woman, risking all of our lives like that!"Toadsworth said. "I don't care if recklessness is some local custom where she is from, that sort of behavior is inexcusable!"_

_"__Sigh…this will not go well for the relations between our two countries," Peach said. "Although Texas isn't supposed to be an independent nation."_

The two teams went into the pass together and read their clues.

"I don't wanna catch fish and make them into ice-cream!" Luanne declared. "That sounds…wrong."

"It's either that or another blind chance," Peggy said. "And who knows how long eating licorice could take."

"Maybe licorice tastes great?" Luanne suggested.

"Let's hope so. We're doing Chew!" Peggy declared.

"I think Gulp would be easier for me, but…"

"Indeed, Princess. But Chew sounds more advantageous for _both _of us," Toadsworth said. "And I'm far too old to be swimming in frigid waters! I could acquire hypothermia."

"But we can't just opt for easy tasks every time!" Peach protested.

"Please, Princess," Toadsworth pleaded. "I want to be of some assistance. I can be very helpful if I'm left to simply lift lids, since anyone can do that. I won't be of much help swimming around."

"All right, Chew it is," Peach said.

_"__I really want to help the Princess and show her that I'm not too old to not be in this race!" Toadsworth said. "Although I've heard teams consisting of an elderly couple never get much farther than 8__th__…__and we're in 8__th__right now!"_

Texans: currently in Seventh

Mushroomites: currently in Eighth

The Hocotatians were the first to arrive at the Ice Cream Sea, a sparkling, pink-hued ocean with a beach made of ice cream cones and dabs of vanilla everywhere.

"Mmm…the air smells so sweet and sugary!" the President declared.

"Yep, reminds me of my childhood, and all of the brainfreezes I got there," Olimar mused. "There's Princess Frostine!"

Sure enough, there a woman in a white and blue gown dress stood. "Grab some scuba masks and dive right in! Most of the fauna in the Ice Cream Sea are friendly," she explained. "But I'm here in case…well, they turn out not to be."

"Who needs scuba masks when you have…SPACE SUITS?!" Olimar cried hammily. Frostine was not impressed, but the two went underwater anyway.

"Our clue said to get 3 cone barnacles, 3 polyps—one of each flavor—and catch a cherry fish!" the President reminded him. "You're the faster swimmer, right?"

"I sure am!" Olimar said proudly. "At least, I think I am. We never had to actually swim much on the Pikmin Planet, just run on the floor of ponds a lot."

"Well, in any case, you've just elected to grab the cherry fish! I'll go grab the stuff that doesn't move!" the President said with a snicker.

"Hey, you tricked me!" Olimar cried. But his teammate was already beginning his search.

"_Heheheheh…two can play at this game, Olimar! Don't forget that if it wasn't for me you'd be on the streets! Just like I was, once…"_

The President dove down as deep as he could, searching for anything suspicious. Although he saw tons of exotic candy and fruit-resembling fish, he didn't find any cone barnacles until he found a large underwater boulder where some were growing. He pulled them off after a bit of a struggle and continued his search…

…Just as the Saiyans were arriving. Vegeta and Nappa immediately willed the top parts of their uniforms to explode inexplicably so that their muscular upper bodies could be fixated upon and gratuitously recorded. Vegeta ignored the cameras but Nappa posed and flexed for them.

"If we lose the race we could still make money as mod—" Nappa began.

"NO!" Vegeta cried. "I'm NEVER doing that!" The two Saiyans then dove underwater, their lungs too powerful to require scuba masks, again annoying Frostine. And she was married so she didn't care for Nappa. She was _Queen _Frostine, after all. Although, what the Candy King didn't know…

It didn't take long, meanwhile, for Vegeta to spot a cherry fish that Olimar was chasing and then rapidly swim as fast as he could without cheating to the fish, crushing it with his bare hands and giving Olimar the finger.

_"__That was…very rude of him," Olimar said later._

_"__That wasn't necessary, sure, but I liked doing it," Vegeta admitted. "I was mad and needed to let out some steam. Better him than Nappa."_

Hocotatians: currently in Third

Saiyans: currently in Fourth

Fry and Bender made it to the Sugary Pass eventually.

"Great job losing the other two teams, Bender!" Fry congratulated.

"Yeah. Too bad it all happened off-screen!" Bender lamented.

"Well, if you hadn't bent the "currently in Last" caption all out of shape then maybe the production crew wouldn't have had to go repair it, and then if they hadn't gone to repair it then…"

"I know, I know!" Bender whined as they got out of the car to get their clue.

"Chew or Gulp? Well, if it's beer, then Gulp. If it's cigarettes then Chew."

"It's not either," Fry said. "They stopped making cigarettes with candy flavors after 2500, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Damn anti-tobacco lobbyists!" Bender cried. "Do you know how hard it is to get a tobacco product in the year 3000?"

"Nope!"

"Oh. Anyway, I say we do Gulp!" Bender said. "I can get it done fast!"

"But it says powers banned," Fry reminded him. "And we're making some sort of ice cream sundae, not a martini."

"So? I've got one power that they can ban, and it's the fact that I'm 40% metallic! No, wait…100% metallic!" Bender cried.

"Well, ok, so long as you don't stretch your arms or anything, I think we'll be good," Fry said.

Future buddies: currently in Ninth

Back at Licorice Castle, the teams there desperately searched for the red licorice.

"No!" Tai Lee cried when she lifted a lid, munching on the black licorice with Mai. Teams were allowed to split up and work independently, but both teams had to eat one licorice stick per plate.

"Nope," Mai sighed, eating more licorice with more disdain.

"Mmm…" Arachne said as she ate even more black licorice.

"The red ones must be hard to find," Slim said. "I hope this doesn't turn into another haybale challenge."

Just then, the Teachers arrived.

"I bet it will be a long time before we…WE FOUND IT!" Ms. Bitters cried, immediately finding red licorice when she lifted the lid. All the other teams glared angrily at her as she and Mrs. Puff showed it to Lord Licorice.

"Here's your next clue!" he said, smiling sweetly at Ms. Bitters, who gave him a kiss.

"I knew we always had a thing for each other," she said.

"Don't look at me, I didn't even put the licorice there!" he insisted. "Although it's sweet that you think that."

"Who cares about lost love, I had to break up with Mr. Krabs! Come on, Bitters, time's a wastin'!" Mrs. Puff cried ecstatically. Once the two had left the castle and were back on the road, they read the clue.

"Make your way to the next Pitstop! Splendid, splendid!" Mrs. Puff read, clapping her fins in excitement.

_Teams must now make their way to the Candy Castle, the Pitstop for this leg of the race and the end of the Candyland board. The last team to check in may be eliminated._

"I swear," Ms. Bitters insisted, "I had no idea. I don't have x-ray vision. I would have had to phase my head through the lid to see the red licorice, and then it would have been way to obvious and in clear violation of race rules."

"Oh, it's all right, Bitters, they can't charge us with anything!" Mrs. Puff insisted.

Teachers: currently in First

"Should we switch tasks?" Mai whispered to Tai Lee.

"Don't worry, we still have time!" she reassured her teammate. "There's one team still here, anyway, so we're guaranteed to be safe. And we were in first before, there's no way that all the other teams just so happened to do the other thing and beat us!"

"Do you think that maybe…?" Slim began.

"No, there's still plenty of black licorice left! We can eat it all and then leave none for the other teams. That way when they come here, thinking it's the easy Detour, they'll find that they can't do it since all of the licorice will be gone, and they'll take so much time switching!"

"That's actually…a valid reason to stay," Slim said. "But I still think we ought to put switching on the table. We'd be the first team to do it!"

"Why is that?" Arachne asked.

"The author thinks switching detours is somewhat unethical. You finish what you start, he says."

"He's a hypocrite, then! He never finished Titan of the Hill, and he's nowhere near being done with A1, or this fanfic, or the Sym-Bionic Titan stuff, or anything else! He's LAAAAZY!"

The author, meanwhile, typed these words and felt very, very hurt by what his characters had said to him. But there was nothing he could do but cry about it and admit how true they were.

Back at the Sugary Pass, the last two teams quickly got their clues.

"Bender and Fry went too far ahead of us!" Sunflora lamented. "We couldn't follow them, and now we're probably way behind them!"

"We'll have to fight for last," Elastigirl said sadly in agreement. The bottom two teams shook hands, agreeing to play it fair and square as best as they could. Upon reading that both Detours banned the use of powers, this made things much easier for them.

"Oh my gosh, which one do we choose?" Sunflora asked Loudred nervously.

"Do we do the SAME task, or the OPPOSITE task?" Loudred asked the two of them.

"We're probably better swimmers," Mr. Incredible whispered to Elastigirl.

"You're right, but what if they turn out to be just as good? Grass trumps water," she pointed out.

"It does?" Mr. Incredible repeated. "Well, I guess either way we're taking a gamble. Gulp it is!"

"They're doing GULP!" Loudred told Sunflora with his super-hearing.

"Then let's do Chew!" She suggested. "If it's a luck task, then surely we won't be the only team there, if other people had just as bad luck as us."

Guildmates and Supers: currently fighting to avoid Last


	5. You all made me so lucky! (Leg 1, part 5

Leg 1, part 5: You all made me so lucky!

Back at the Ice Cream Sea, Chris and Elise had just arrived, and much to their relief thermal wetsuits were provided. The water was cold, after all, what with all of the ice-cream themed stuff floating around.

"Ok, I'll get the cherry fish and you get the stuff that won't move," Elise ordered her husband.

"But what if the polyps sting?" he asked.

"Then they sting," Elise sighed. "Not much we can do about that." And so they dove down.

Elise swam out as far as she could to look for a cherry fish, but none seemed to be in sight, although she did see a German Chocolate-of-War floating on the surface. She quickly ducked out of the way of the stingers as they tried to attack her, and she dove deeper to search for her quarry.

Chris, meanwhile, found some cone barnacles in the same spot that the President had. He had just gathered three when Nappa suddenly appeared from the side, bashing into him with his elbows and snatching the cone barnacles.

"Hey!" Chris gurgled through his scuba mask. "There's no hurting in this task!" Nappa taunted him, but his words were muffled by all of the water. He swam after Nappa, aiming to get his barnacles back, only for Nappa to inadvertently lead him to a spot where some flavor polyps lay, and Nappa plucked them without a problem.

_"__Well, something good came out of that," Chris said. "Plus there were more barnacles back at the spot where I found the first 3, so I was good to go."_

Despite Chris' optimism, Nappa surfaced to find Vegeta waiting for him.

"The others are all still down there, we're in the least here!" he told his teammate.

"Aw, yeah! I knew taking Chris' cones would help!" Nappa said.

"You…what?"

"I took the cone barnacles from Chris."

"…Great. Now we have a target on our backs. With TWO teams. Nice going, Nappa."

"Wait, what did you do?"

"Never mind."

They got their clue and began the drive to the Pitstop.

Saiyans: currently in Second

Back at Licorice Castle, teams were still searching for that elusive pair of red licorice sticks.

"Nope," said Mai.

"Nope," said Tai Lee.

"Nope," said Slim.

"Nope," said Arachne.

As they were struggling, the Texans and the Mushroomites arrived.

"Nope," Peggy said.

"Nope," said Luanne. "Just red licorice."

"LUANNE!" Peggy cried. Luanne realized her find and squealed with joy.

"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!" she shrieked, squeeing and giggling when she grabbed their team's next clue.

_"__That was just a stroke of luck right there!" Peggy exclaimed. "I had no idea Luanne had it in her!"_

_"__That was so amazing! Thank you, Jesus! And Gracie! And Gurgle Gurgle! And Lucky! You've all made me so…lucky!" Luanne cried, almost feeling as if she had won the race._

Peach and Toadsworth looked on, but quickly lifted their own plates.

"Nope," said Peach.

"Nope," said Toadsworth.

"Ok, we're switching," Mai declared, and Tai Lee agreed.

"What about us?" Arachne suggested to Slim.

"I think we should stay," Slim said. "I'll be useless to you at the other Detour."

"Well, neither of us can do much here!" Arachne said.

_"__Stupid production crew and their giving us a water-based task! Stupid Slim and her water vulnerability! Ugh!" Arachne groaned._

_"__It's just so humiliating…" Slim lamented, her voice trailing off. "But we'll pull through, I know we will."_

Texans: currently in Third

"Uh…Ms. Bitters…I know this might be a bad time, but…"

"Oh, no. We are NOT stopping for a bathroom break," she said.

"It's an emergency, please!"

"…Fine."

Meanwhile at the Pitstop, Bill managed to notice a team approaching despite his poor vision. And it wasn't the teachers.

"Vegeta and Nappa…"

"Look, sorry about our behavior, ok? Kakerot didn't catch us so it's fair game!" Vegeta protested.

"Oh, who cares about that, it makes for a more fun and unfair race. Anyways, you are team number 1!"

"WHAT?!" they cried with delight. All Vegeta and Nappa could do was ROFL.

"Yeah, you won all right!" Bill said. "And your prize is…a year's supply of candy!"

"Yay!" Nappa cried.

"Also, an all-expenses-paid cruise for two that will take you around Kroxia!" Bill cried. The Saiyans high-fived before Vegeta stopped for a moment.

"Wait, where's Kroxia? I should know where that is, we've conquered tons of planets back when we were under Frieza."

"I think that was one of the planets that bribed us away," Nappa suggested.

"Oh. Well, I'll bet it's a nice place to go on a cruise, otherwise they wouldn't be giving it to us as a reward," Vegeta said. "Still, I can't believe we won! From seventh to first all in one leg, can you believe it?!"

"Nope!" everyone said.

"Anyways, welcome to Candy Land!" the Candy King said. "And before you ask, no, Candy Land isn't affiliated with the Candy Kingdom from Adventure Time, although Princess Bubblegum and I are distant relatives."

Saiyans: First, arriving at 5:49 PM

The teachers were next to arrive.

"You are team number 2!" Bill exclaimed.

"I'm so, so, so…" Mrs. Puff began.

"It's fine," Ms. Bitters replied. "We'll just have to be as fierce on the next leg as we were on this one. And not make any mistakes. I'm not worried about our placement in the slightest. We never fell below fifth."

Teachers: Second, arriving at 5:57 PM

Peggy and Luanne were next, arriving without incident.

"You are team number 3!" Bill exclaimed.

"Wow…what a comeback!" Luanne cried, hugging Peggy.

"All thanks to you!" Peggy reminded her.

_"__I hope the other teams can see now that the aunt-niece bond is unbreakable—and it's gonna win a million dollars for us!" Peggy said._

Back at the Ice Cream Sea, Fry and Bender arrived to find Chris sitting on the shore, waiting for Elise.

"She's going to come back with a cherry fish any minute now!" he insisted.

"Keep dreamin', pal!" Bender taunted as he strode confidently into the water. As a robot, he didn't need any air, and also as a robot he didn't have to worry about swimming since he was heavy enough to sink to the bottom of the seafloor.

"I'm just…gonna wait here, awkwardly," Fry said. "So…" he asked Chris as he sat down beside him, "What's married life like?"

"Why do you ask?" Chris asked.

"I'm engaged," Fry explained.

"Oh, you want some advice!" Chris realized. "Well, for one thing…you need to always remember…" the production crew edited out Chris' marital advice for being "too boring and irrelevant", although it probably would have been practical to hear, in actuality.

But Elise showed up in the middle of it, giving her cherry fish to Queen Frostine. "Gotta go!" Chris said, abruptly leaving Fry as they got their next clue.

"I wonder if Leela and I will be happily married…" Fry wondered, watching Chris and Elise leave.

"Ok, drive to…the Pit stop!" Elise said, hugging Chris.

"You did great, honey," Chris said. "We make such a great team."

"Don't push your luck," Elise muttered under her breath.

_"__It was good to help the guy out," Chris said. "It's not like he's going to be able to use that to win the race or anything. I hope I didn't motivate him, though. Love drives people mad sometimes…and so does hate. And passion. And a lot of things, actually."_

Normal Couple: currently in Fourth

Bender, meanwhile, saw Olimar and the President, finally catching a cherry fish together after some cooperation.

"Amateurs! Lemme show you how it's done!" Bender said, rushing off to search for a cherry fish of his own. "He, wait, where did you guys go?!" Bender asked. But the Hocotatians had apparently already left, carrying what they needed.

"Thank goodness those flavor polyps weren't too painful!" the President said.

"And thanks for helping me out catching that cherry fish," Olimar said as they exchanged their stuff for their next clue. "You didn't have to do that, you know."

"We might as well try and get along," the President said. "We are on a team, after all. Now let's go to the Pitstop!"

Hocotatians: currently in Fifth

"Hurry up, Bender!" Fry called out from the surface. "Don't make me go in there after you!" As he was speaking, Mai and Tai Lee arrived.

"You guys were at the back of the pack, right?" Mai asked worriedly.

"Yeah, but we had two people behind us," Fry explained. "No big deal. Weren't you guys in the front?"

"We were in first!" Tai Lee boasted. "But then…licorice. Seen any ice-cream people?"

"No, just me," Queen Frostine said. "The Ice cream people live further inland."

_"__Aw, darn!" Tai Lee whined. "I wanted to see some ice cream people!"_

_"__She was right, this task was easier and more fun, I'll give her credit for that," Mai admitted. "Still, I don't like getting wet. It's so…un-Fire Nation-like."_

At Licorice Castle, meanwhile…not much luck for anybody. Just black licorice all around, and bitter tastes.

"We gotta switch!" Arachne insisted.

"No, please!" Slim begged. "Just a bit longer."

"Fine, be stubborn like that!" Arachne replied. "You're lucky I like black licorice. But too much of a good thing is bad, even for me!"

"This could be our chance, Loudred!" Sunflora said. "Just work as fast as you can!"

"I'll TRY, but I don't know if this is the BEST way to SURVIVE!" he warned her.

"I know, but it's our only hope!" Sunflora said.

"Princess, I approve of you switching in about…five minutes," Toadsworth said. "Just an 'eff-why-eye,', as the kids say."

"I'm not _that _young, you know," Peach replied.

"…Oh."

"…Chris, do you know where we're going?" Elise asked.

"YES!" he shouted.

"…No, we don't. The candy castle really shouldn't be this hard to find. Unless it's for security purposes…"

"What makes you say that?" he asked his wife.

"Nothing!" Elise said quickly.

_"__She doesn't like to talk about espionage," he said. "One time I was watching a James Bond movie and she just rolled her eyes. What was that about? I'll never know. I really need to bring that up with her at some point. Maybe after the race."_

_"__The less he knows, the better," Elise said. "Gotta watch what I say. And don't even get me started on Dan…"_

Another team eventually arrived at the candy castle.

"You are team number 4!" Bill declared to this team that you can't identity quite yet.

"Well, it's not first, but we'll take it!" the President said, feeling relieved.

"And here I was thinking that we did terrible on the Detour!" Olimar said. "Guess that other thing was tough as nails."

Hocotatians: Fourth, arriving at 6:31 PM

Chris and Elise were next, having been passed by the Hocotatians when they got lost.

"You are team number 5!" Bill said.

"Perfect for an…average team, I guess!" Elise laughed.

_"__I don't know how long I can keep up this whole 'we're average' schtick, but Chris seems to be managing," Elise said._

Normal couple: Fifth, arriving at 6:48 PM

Back at the Ice Cream Sea, Mai and Tai Lee swam around as best as they could, desperately searching for the items they needed. But try as they might, Bender had an easier time.

"All praise to the Great Bender!" he cried as he proudly strode to Queen Frostine. "Your ice cream ingredients, malady," he said. "Might as I suggest that you also consider making a vodka with those?"

"Alcohol is under tight regulation in Candyland," she explained.

"WHAT?!" Bender cried angrily. "Why, I oughta-!"

"Take it up with the king!" she insisted.

"Come on, Bender! We just have to get to the Pitstop now!" Fry said after they read their clue.

Future buddies: currently in Sixth

As one team left, another arrived, and the Supers immediately set out to work, not even bothering with scuba gear or wetsuits. They had already changed into their costumes.

_"__At that point, we didn't even care who saw us," Helen said. "We just had to get through the task as quickly as possible. Plus there was only one other team there, anyway. Although from what they had said, they had been in first not long before. What a strange occurrence, for a previously leading and losing team to meet up with each other!"_

Back at Licorice Castle, plates were still desperately being lifted.

"No," Slim groaned.

"No…" said Arachne, reluctantly eating more black licorice.

"No," Peach muttered sadly, trying not to cry.

"Princess, I've found the red licorice!" Toadsworth cried.

Mushroomites: currently in Seventh

"The pitstop is next, guys!" Peach said as she waved goodbye. "Good luck, and tootle-loo!"

"Tootle…loo?" Arachne asked.

"YEAH, who needs YOU?!" Loudred shouted back.

"Pull yourself together! It's not over until we're eliminated!" Sunflora reminded him.

"You are team number 6!" Bill told Fry and Bender.

Future buddies: Sixth, arriving at 7:09 PM

"Middle place sure beats last!" Bender exclaimed happily. "Now to celebrate our survival, Mr. King, lift your alcohol regulations!"

"No!" he said sternly.

"YES!" Bender cried. Fry dragged him off before the shouting matching could get any worse.

Back at the Ice Cream Sea, the two teams still there worked hard to finish the task. But in the end…

"Here is your next clue!" Frostine said to the Fire Nation girls.

"Oh, thank goodness! WE'RE OUT OF HERE!" Mai cried, showing some emotion and distress for once. Tai Lee was right behind her, and the two sped off to the Pitstop.

The Supers were not far behind.

"We just might have a chance, honey," Mr. Incredible told his wife. "I don't think we're in last if those two are just ahead of us."

"No, we're not, Bob," she said hopefully. "No, we're not."

"You are team number 7!" Bill told Peach and Toadsworth.

"Huzzah! The old man's still got it!" Toadsworth said, clicking his knees happily together.

_"__I feel so proud of myself for securing our team in the next leg!" Toadsworth said. "Hopefully the accomplishments will continue to accumulate!"_

_"__I don't see why he was so happy," Peach said. "We came in SEVENTH. What's so great about that?"_

Mushroomites: Seventh, arriving at 7:20 PM

Back at Licorice Castle, the last two teams were scrambling for the last of the plates, hoping for a flash of red hope.

"Come on, come on…I WANNA BE SEEING RED!" Arachne shrieked.

"Please, please…just a little red will do!" Slim muttered.

"I never thought I'd be so desperately wanting to see red candy all my life!" Sunflora remarked, trying to keep her spirits sunny.

"WHERE ARE YOU RED?!" Loudred said.

Finally, after what seemed like a very long time…someone found it. And that team BOLTED out of there. And then the other team followed right behind them, also getting their red licorice.

"You are team number 8!" Bill told Mai and Tai Lee.

"EIGHTH?! This is all your fault!" Tai Lee said to Mai, who hung her head in shame.

_"__She was right," Mai admitted. "I'm letting her pick Detours from now on. All of them. But I still decide when to switch. That's the agreement."_

Fire Nation girls: 8th, arriving at 7:31 PM

"Honey, can you drive well at night?" Mr. Incredible yelled.

"I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!" Elastigirl snapped back.

_"__I didn't really know where I was going," she admitted later. "I was just so desperate to get there."_

"We've got to keep going! We just have to!" Sunflora said.

"I SEE THEM!" Loudred cried. "I SEE THEM COMING!"

"The Pitstop isn't far," Slim said. "Arachne, I'm going to throw you, and I'll warp myself, penalties be damned. I'll hold them off for ten hours if I have to if it means that they don't get on that mat!"

"I'll be right with you!" Arachne said. "But I have a better idea!"

"Honey, look! Two teams!"

"I see them, I see them! Can we make it in time?"

"I don't know, they're right on our tail!"

"We're almost there…"

"Out of the car, NOW!"

"Got the silk ready?"

"Yep! We can't fail now!"

"Roar in their faces if you have to!"

"NO! We didn't come this far to CHEAT!"

"Suit yourself."

6 pairs of feet desperately dashed up the battlements of the candy castle, hoping to reach the Pitstop before the others.

"You are…team number…" Bill said, pausing for suspense.

"OUT WITH IT, YOU FAT SLOB!"

"Number 9!" Bill said. "You didn't need that tether trick after all!"

"Oh…I guess not," Arachne said, relieved. Slim immediately saw the other two teams, grabbed her teammate and teleported with her off the mat.

MC mobs: Ninth, arriving at 8 PM

"GO, GO, GOOO!"

"I'M TRYING!"

"THEN GO HARDER!"

"OUT OF OUR WAY!"

"NO, YOU GET OUT OF OUR WAY!" The four crashed into Bill, but it was clear from the camera crew that…

"You are team numbers 10 and the last team to arrive," Bill told them somberly. "The tenth place goes to…"

.

..

…

….

…..

…

…..

…

…

….

…..

"Elastigirl and Mr. Incredible!" Bill declared. Everyone breathed sighs of exhaustion, defeat, or relief. The Supers hugged each other tightly, and Sunflora hugged Loudred.

Supers: Tenth, arriving at 8:01 PM

Guildmates: Eleventh, arriving at 8:02 PM

"I'm sorry, Sunflora and Loudred," Bill said. "You are the last team to arrive. And…we don't do elimination rounds on the first leg. So you've been eliminated from the race."

"It's…OK." Loudred said, gripping Sunflora, who had burst into tears.

"Oh, my gosh…I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I'm sorry, Loudred. I'm sorry, Guildmaster. I'm sorry, guild! I'm...I'm…"

"The best partner I could EVER have," Loudred said. "It was either YOU or CORPHISH, and I chose you."

"And…I choose you, Loudred!" Sunflora said, sobbing uncontrollably. Even Bill came to give her a hug.

"It's not your fault," he told her. "If anything, it's just bad luck. You both did your best, and you're free to follow the rest of the race."

"The guild will have to find money some other way," Sunflora sighed, drying her tears. Once the tears were finished, the group made one last confessional.

_"__Oh my gosh, that race was so much fun! If only we could have stayed on longer!" Sunflora said. "Loudred was such a great partner, even though we didn't do much together. Maybe Guildmaster Wigglytuff and Chatot will have better luck?"_

_"__I kind of wish we had gone a little bit FASTER," Loudred admitted. "Maybe THEN we could have won. But Sunflora and I did our best. I couldn't have chosen a BETTER partner. We certainly gave those 'Incredibles' a RUN for their MONEY!" he laughed._

_"__Loudred and I will always be great friends," Sunflora said. "And even though we didn't do as well as we would have liked on the race, that fact will never change. I'm trying to think of this not as a sign of failure, but…as a sign that our adventure is just going to have to go somewhere else. And coming in last certainly doesn't mean that it's over!"_

**AN: I SWEAR, I DID NOT MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN INTENTIONALLY. It took like a million dice rolls to decide on this, and even then things were pretty crazy, given my rules and such with it! And yes, all of the luck-based stuff is based on dice. I even use it to determine whether or not teams get lost or something.**

**I'm disappointed that it had to be the Guildmates, but I'm also quite surprised with the way things turned out, with some of the positions changing rapidly in the leg based on crazy luck. I might have to modify things for the next leg, but for now, I hope you enjoyed this one!**

**Since the next leg isn't quite mapped out just yet, it might be a while. Plus I have other stuff I really should be doing instead, like boring, "real-world" creative writing. Real-world creative writing…that's an oxymoron if I ever saw one! XD**


	6. As the plot demands it (Leg 2, part 1)

Leg 2 (Cyrodiil), part 1: Flights anywhere as the plot demands it

5:49 AM (Vegeta and Nappa's departure time)

It was a nice morning Candyland, but before that morning could even started Vegeta and Nappa were bright-eyed, but not necessarily bushy-tailed. Saiyans' tails aren't really "bushy".

"Hopefully we can go to some place less sugary next," Vegeta said as he took a clue from the cluebox that stood ominously over the candy castle's battlements.

_Teams must make their way to the Candyland Intergalactic Airport and book a flight to the Imperial City, Cyrodiil. Once they arrive they must make their way to the statue of Akatosh in the Temple District for their next clue by the statue._

"Tamriel, eh?" Vegeta remarked. "Primitive sword-and-magic users, but at least they can fight a little bit better. Tell me, Nappa, how are you supposed to skewer someone with candy-cane lances?" Nappa shrugged. "Exactly! Now let's go!"

_"__It was only thanks to the incompetence of others that we won that first leg!" Vegeta said. "But now that we're in the lead, we'll definitely be STAYING there, no question about it."_

_"__I'll bet all those losers will be pissed once they figured out that the alpha males won!" Nappa boasted. "It's fun to be predictable!"_

Saiyans: currently in First and going to the airport

Once they arrived, they found out that most predictably, the darn place was closed. Waiting around, they ran into the Teachers.

"Congratulations on your victory," Ms. Bitters said politely.

"Hey, Vegeta, can you believe it?!" Nappa cried. "Two old—" Vegeta grabbed him by the neck.

"Don't make things worse, Nappa," Vegeta rasped. "We already have enough enemies as it is."

"Gasp! You guys are here, too! Hey!" Luanne waved as she and Peggy joined the group.

"I knew it! I knew you two were going to beat us to it!" Peggy said. "It was just a feeling that turned into a hunch that turned into an accurate prediction! Peggy Hill, you have such insight and wisdom!"

"I disagree," Mrs. Puff said. "I'd say it was mostly luck." Turning to the Saiyans, she added, "You two certainly picked the easier Detour."

"So, how much licorice did you have to eat?" Vegeta asked.

"None," Ms. Bitters replied. "I guessed on my first try."

As the teams conversed, they were able to size each other up based on their performance in the last mission.

"_Ms. Bitters could not have 'just guessed'," Vegeta said. "I asked Mrs. Puff how many plates there were, and she said it was around 200 or so! There's no way they could have gotten that lucky! I'm keeping my eye on her. Puff is probably just a tag-along, though, I doubt she can do much aside from maybe have some knowledge with jails and whatnot. And the Texans…how? How are two ordinary Earth women able to keep up with Saiyans? Hopefully it was just a lucky fluke. Or maybe Nappa still has a thing for her. She said she was married during our chat, so maybe now he'll stop helping her…from miles away, all while I'm right there so that he can't do any funny business. I'm getting paranoid, aren't I?"_

_"__Luanne's hot!" Nappa declared. "I don't think she likes me, though. So…oh well. Vegeta said the whole thing about earth girls being 'easy', whatever that means, is just a stereotype, and so I should lay off Luanne unless I want to get killed by Kakerot again. Which is weird because I'm pretty sure it was Vegeta who killed me, and then he had me revived with the dragon balls just for the race. And then he said he'd kill me again…I hope he changes his mind."_

_"__The Saiyans are a bit of a challenge, but hopefully I can turn them into an asset," Ms. Bitters said. "Vegeta clearly thinks that I have some amazing clairvoyance, so he'll want to use that. But my real powers lie in…deception, among other things. I think I'll keep him around. Not that I'll have much of a choice."_

_"__I'm just letting Ms. Bitters do all the big thinking," Mrs. Puff said. "But as an extra pair of eyes and ears I'll probably be quite useful. And I've discovered that Peggy Hill overestimates herself, much to our advantage."_

_"__I don't trust the Saiyans, no sir. Not one bit!" Peggy said. "And yet an alliance with them would be a really good idea…I don't know what Luanne will say about it."_

_"__I got to Skype with Lucky last night!" Luanne said. "I've really missed him and Gracie. Even though it's only been one day, it feels like forever. I heard Vegeta has a family. I wonder if he misses them, too…and what about Aunt Peggy? Are Uncle Hank and Bobby getting along without her? I'll bet Uncle Hank could outwit the Saiyans. Or at least make them buy propaone and get distracted and let us win the next leg, hehehehe! Aunt Peggy…I don't know what she'll do. But I'll bet if we put our heads together we can find a way to knock out the big strong guys so that it's just us smart girls at the head of the pack!"_

The Hocotatians arrived next, and Olimar immediately found Vegeta and angrily confronted him.

"YOU!" he cried.

"Yes, I know, me," Vegeta said ashamedly. "I, uh…can we just put that behind us?"

"How can we do that when your antics caused us to lose the first leg?!" the President said.

"You would have lost anyway, two teams got lucky on the licorice challenge!" Vegeta reminded him.

"Hmm…true…" the President mused.

"He's just sayin' things!" Olimar said. "Heh heh, get it?" Vegeta narrowed his eyes.

"There's a reason that pun was banned on my planet. Under penalty of DEATH, I might add." Olimar gulped nervously and backed away, with the President following after him.

_"__My Pikmin and I have had to face all sorts of challenges from huge, seemingly insurmountable foes. This isn't any different!" Olimar insisted. "Those two have a huge target on their backs, big enough for 100 purples to sit on all at once!"_

At 6:48 AM, Chris and Elise departed, following the directions on their first clue.

"I saw these Intergalactic airports on the last season! They're amazing!" Chris said.

"And they seem to be able to produce flights anywhere as the plot demands it," Elise observed.

_"__Lucky for us, I've actually been to these sorts of airports before," Elise said. "Basically like regular ones except the planes go super-fast and then hurtle through time, space, and even to other dimensions sometimes. It's crazy how it all works. I've actually been to Cyrodiil as well. But again, Chris doesn't know that. As far as he knows I'm a lawyer who goes on trials to random places, defending companies that make drugs with bad side effects."_

They arrived around 7:00, just as the airport was opening. The 5 teams rushed inside to search for flights.

"Whadaya got?" Peggy demanded, slamming her palms on the counter of Wormhole airlines.

"We service various popular dimensions," said the attendant, who was literally a floating packet of sugar with a face on it. "There's—"

"She means to the Imperial place," Luanne explained. "Aunt Peggy just forgot to say that."

"Luanne!" Peggy rasped. She grinned disturbingly at the packet of sugar and added, "Yes, what my…helpful niece said. We're looking for the fastest flight to the Imperial City."

"In that case, we'll just book you on Wormhole Airlines 527," the floating packet of sugar said. "It departs at 7:45 and arrives at 9:30."

"We'll take it!" Peggy said, buying the tickets. "Luanne," she added once they were going to the terminal, "Next time don't embarrass me on national TV."

"I was only trying to help…"

"I know. But you exposed my ignorance."

_"__Aunt Peggy's ignoring-ness has kind of already been exposed," Luanne said. "But that's ok, cuz' we'll make up for it. I know sometimes Aunt Peggy's life is very stressful, having to deal with her family. But she knows better than to stab Uncle Hank with a fork, at least."_

Texans: First on Wormhole Airlines 527

"We'll take that flight as well," Mrs. Puff told the packet of sugar. "We're in a race, you see."

"That's what they _all _say," the packet of sugar sighed.

Teachers: Second on Wormhole Airlines 527

"Now, Nappa," Vegeta said, "We're not going to be idiots and take the first flight we can find. There might be several other flights that—"

"I already checked," Nappa explained.

"What? When?" Vegeta asked.

"When you were in the bathroom."

"…Oh. And?"

"The only flight is the Wormhole one."

"…Oh."

So the Saiyans booked that very flight.

Saiyans: Third on Wormhole Airlines 527

The other two teams eventually figured out this information as well and boarded the plane…

…Just as Bender and Fry were starting out.

"Oh, great, the first of many boring plane flights!" Fry groaned.

"They don't allow liquids," Bender complained. "Or metal!"

"That's only the TSA," Fry reminded him.

"Oh, yeah, didn't they get rid of them in 2785?" Bender asked.

"Yep, I think so. Eternal Overlord Aku really streamlined the process!" Fry said. "Or so the Professor told me."

"Wait, was this before or after the Antisupercessationists took over the world?" Bender asked.

"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it was a few decades after the attack of the giant smallpox viruses," Fry guessed.

They got to the airport around 7:30, but by that point the only flight to Cyrodiil was going to take off in 15 minutes.

"We'll have to put you two on standby," said the floating packet of sugar. "Also, the TSA doesn't have jurisdiction here, so—"

"WHOOO! DRINKS ON THE HOUSE!" Bender cried, doing a fun dance and running off to the airport's bar/robot upgrade store.

"Wait, Bender!" Fry cried, grabbing him and then getting their standby tickets.

Future buddies: On standby for Wormhole airlines 527

Peach and Toadsworth arrived at the airport just minutes before its departure.

"The flight is closed, I'm afraid," the packet of sugar told them sadly.

"Aww…CRAP!" Peach cried, somewhat immaturely stamping her foot.

"That language is very unbecoming of a princess," Toadsworth reminded her.

"I don't care, I'm pissed!" Peach said.

"That's even worse!" he cried.

"Dammit, will you just shut up?!" Peach yelled.

"Egad! Language, Princess!" Toadsworth cried.

_"__I really hope her outburst doesn't set some precedent!" Toadsworth said._

_"__I don't swear unless I'm ticked off," Peach said. "And I was, so it was the perfect time. They'll censor it on TV anyway."_

"It's ok, chances are some of the other airlines have flights to Cyrodiil," he told them. The packet of sugar wasn't supposed to say that, but he did anyway since he couldn't stand to see people angry and non-hyper. He, was after all, a packet of sugar. The Mushroomites quickly ran off to go check other flights.

Fry and Bender, meanwhile, waiting anxiously to see if they would make it on the flight and…

"You two can go," the flight attendant informed them. The team high-fived and boarded the plane, with Fry rubbing his injured hand. Bender's metal hands made for tough high-fives.

"Gosh darn it!" Peggy cried when Fry and Bender showed up.

"Hey, all! Bender is on the plane! Who wants a beer?!" Bender asked. No one said a word.

"Let's just take our seats," Fry said.

_"__Bender is too much of a party animal—er, party robot—when he gets himself some booze. I think it's the extra energy he gets. But he does seem to get a bit smarter, too. We should be fine for the next few legs, though," Fry said._

_"__It was all a part of my pre-programmed plan," Bender said. "Well, at least I think it was pre-programmed. Once I had drawn enough attention to myself, everybody would be trying to get rid of us—and then lose the race in the process! Everybody knows that's what happens when a bunch of teams try to all get rid of one! Unless we have some puzzle task and everybody shares answers. Then we're screwed!"_

_The first flight, carrying Peggy and Luanne, Ms. Bitters and Mrs. Puff, Vegeta and Nappa, Olimar and the President, Chris and Elise, and Fry and Bender…had some problems._

"Attention, passengers, this is your pilot speaking: due to a minor fuel leak, the plane will have to refuel on Coruscant before arriving at the intended destination. The process should take 3 hours."

"What?!" Peggy and Luanne cried.

"NO! I REFUSE TO BE ON THE BOTTOM!" Vegeta shouted. Ms. Bitters hissed her disapproval.

"At least Coruscant is reasonable," she said hopefully.

"Well…I heard they have tons of clubs," Bender said.

"Honey, why are you so nervous? I'm sure Coruscant is a great place," Chris said.

"Uh, yeah…I'm just a bit nervous about being in a huge, crowded place full of people and flying cars," Elise said.

"Oh, don't worry. I won't leave your side," Chris said reassuringly, clutching her hand affectionately.

"Oh, you won't? How sweet…" Elise said.

_"__I got an angry phone call from Dan," Elise said. "He vowed to hunt us down…so that he could take Chris back to LA to drag him on some crazy scheme. Something about stealing all of the local gangs' supplies of heroin? So that he could…use it to kill a kangaroo that had escaped from a zoo…and kicked his car door. Sigh. This is a regular occurrence for me, actually. I was hoping that on the race we'd be moving around so much that he wouldn't be able to find us, but now…I just don't know."_

Regardless of what the teams thought, they got out and killed time on Coruscant….while the other four teams hung out in the airport, waiting for their flight to be ready. It would depart at 10:30 and arrive at noon, just one hour after the newly-delayed flight, thus closing the distance significantly.

"So…" Peach began. "Has anyone here ever played a Mario game?" Arachne raised a leg. "Oh, which one?" Peach asked.

"What, me? I was just stretching," she said.

"Oh. Well…I spy with my little eye, something…silver."

"My kunai," Mai said.

"How did you know?" Peach asked. "Ok…what about…"

It was a long wait, to say the least. But eventually their flight took off.

Back in Coruscant, Chris and Elise, at the latter's insistence, refused to leave the terminal.

"Honey, why are you so nervous?" Chris asked. "The aliens here won't hurt you."

"Are you sure about that?" she asked him nervously. The other teams had gone off to stock up on various items, some relevant to the race and some completely useless. Being a popular spaceport meant that all sorts of goods were passed around.

"Yes, I'm positive. Just think of this place as Candyland…but with flying ships and such around instead of candy," Chris said. "And much more urban. Anyway, I heard there's a place where you can get smoothies not far from here. We have about half an hour left before our flight refuels." Elise sighed.

"Ok, I might as well unwind," she said. "Honestly, I envy your ability to just relax about things."

"I just trust you, that's all," Chris said. The two exchanged a quick kiss and went over. Sure, it was noisy, crowded, and full of the thick scent of artificial fruit flavors, but when you're with a lover do you really think you're going to notice all that?

The camera crew, of course, was bored (and jealous) of their love, so they meandered about, filming other things and random people. Everything was fine until…

"What do you mean, I can only pay in Republic credits? This is a third-rate _SHACK _that churns out smoothies, and you treat me like I'm an Alderanian!" cried an angry voice. Chris and Elise's eyes widened.

"Was that…DAN?!" Elise rasped in fear. Chris nodded, moving his head to see him at the counter, arguing with the clerk. Elise ducked under the table and tried to pull Chris under with her.

"What is he doing here?" Chris wondered.

"What do you _think_?" Elise asked. "He probably wants to—"

"I am leaving your establishment and taking my EXTERMELY VALUABLE American dollars elsew—CHRIS! THERE YOU ARE!" Dan bounded over to their table like a lion—or lioness, rather, the males are lazy—pursuing her prey.

"Hi, Dan," Chris said meekly. It was clear that he hadn't seen Elise yet. "What brings you to Coruscant?"

"I was going to ask _you _the same thing!" Dan said. "It wasn't listed on the leaked race route I downloaded. Good to see you left your wife's crazy antics, buddy!" he said, patting his friend on the shoulder.

"Yeah…um…I didn't know you liked smoothies," Chris said.

"Might as well mix it up occasionally, eh?" Dan mused. "Anyway, now that I've found you you've saved me the trouble of having to pry you out of the race—or worse, do something to get you eliminated. Or did that already happen?"

"No, it was another team," Chris said with a gulp.

"Why are you so nervous?" Dan asked.

"I'm not, just a bit…cold, from the smoothie," Chris said.

"Don't play dumb with me! I'm an expert at reading the subtleties in your incredibly unsubtle body language!" Dan accused. "You're hiding something from me, aren't you? _Someone…?"_

Chris was about to confess when Dan gave a laugh. "Oh, relax, I was just kidding!" he said. "Now, tell me about how you managed to ditch Elise."

"Well…first, I…" Chris proceeded to conjure up a tall tale about how he managed to do just that.

_"__Seeing Dan between legs like that was unexpected," Chris said. "But I knew that if he and Elise met somebody would be going to the hospital. And my wife's a good fighter, so…"_

Elise began to crawl under the floors, away from Dan's line of sight. She had almost made it out the door when Dan began to try and end his conversation with Chris.

"Come on, let's get out of here, you can tell me on a flight home," he said.

"I'd…rather not leave just yet?" Chris said. "I, uh…"

"What? Is Elise right behind me?" Dan laughed, turning around to find…

"SHE _IS RIGHT BEHIND ME!"_ Dan yelled, and Elise immediately got up and kicked him in the face, sending him reeling backwards onto the table. Chris and Elise immediately fled the smoothie "shack".

"Oh, no you don't!" Dan cried, reaching into his pocket and grabbing an object. Elise looked and gasped, thinking it was some deadly weapon. Rather…

"USE THE ELECTRO-WEB!" Dan cried. Apparently it had been a Pokeball and this Galvantula was his Pokemon. The electric spider obeyed, shooting out an electrified yellow web at Elise, zapping her and tying her up.

"Let my wife go, Dan!" Chris protested. "We're just trying to race!"

"If you beat my Pokemon then maybe we can talk," Dan said.

"I…don't have any," Chris said.

"Exactly! So I win and Elise stays here…forever! Now let's go home, I have to go feed Mr. Mumbles. Do you think she'd like a piece of one of Galvantula's legs?" Dan's Galvantula was not happy with this idea.

Before Chris could opine, a shadowy hole appeared on the wall of the smoothie joint. A slim sleek figure in black emerged from it.

"Ms. Bitters?" Chris asked. "Since when were you able to pass through walls?"

"I sensed trouble," she explained simply. "Dan, release your captive. The race must go on!"

"You're fine with one less team!" he protested. "I need Chris for my revenge!"

"Revenge isn't the solution," Ms. Bitters said. "Sometimes hardship—or in your case, minor inconveniences—are a fact of life that we must all endure."

"Go take your philosophy someplace else!" Dan cried. "Galvantula, use—" But Ms. Bitters was faster, rushing into the Galvantula with full force and tackling it. A shroud enveloped both of them, and soon the two were gone.

"Oh, well, I can get another one," Dan said. "Now, where were we…?" But suddenly, Ms. Bittesr reappeared, grabbing Dan.

"Unless you would like to join your Pokemon, release Elise," Ms. Bitters demanded, not even chuckling for a second at the rhyme she made.

"No, please! Don't send me to Hell! I have a cat to feed!" Dan pleaded.

"I would never send you there," Ms. Bitters said. "I have a much more suitable place in mind…" Ms. Bitters grabbed Dan's small body and hurled him towards the wall of the smoothie "shack", with a portal opening up in front of him just before he could hit the wall. The portal closed once Dan was swallowed into it.

"Thank you so much, Ms. Bitters!" Elise said as the nasty teacher untied her from the net. Both she and Chris even gave her a hug. "You saved our marriage—from Dan!" Chris exclaimed.

"Consider it an act of charity—the only one you'll be getting on this race," she said. "Come. We have a plane to catch."

"Where did you send him?" Chris asked.

"Dairyworld," Ms. Bitters replied.

"But Dan's lactose intolerant," Elise pointed out.

"He'll survive," Ms. Bitters said. "My idea was to surround him with fear. He'll be out of your hair for the next few…periods of time."

The teams all made it to the plane without any further incidents.

"Where did you go after we were done shopping?" Mrs. Puff asked.

"I had business with one of the other teams. They were having some…personal issues, but I resolved them," she said.

_"__Everyone who is on this race deserves to stay in it—until they are fairly eliminated," Ms. Bitters said._

The plane carrying the 6 teams in front landed just half an hour ahead of the slower plane.

**AN: Hope you enjoyed that little intermission of sorts. I just HAD to include Dan in here somewhere, and I had no idea when Chris and Elise were going to be eliminated so I decided to play it safe by making it happen here. And no, Dan does not actually have any Pokemon. He stole the Galvantula.**

**Also, did you notice that in both races now I've had a scene that repeats itself. Think about it:**

**Team gets accosted by someone at an airport**

**Said aggressor inexplicably has Pokemon**

**Team is saved by female member of another team who doesn't need any Pokemon**

**What a coincidence! Or maybe it was deliberate, IDK :D**

**Also, do you want to see the floating packet of sugar again?**


	7. Counter-clockwise (Leg 2, part 2)

Leg 2, part 2: Everybody loves doing stuff counter-clockwise

The flight carrying the first six teams landed in the Imperial City's airport without a hitch, and the teams scrambled out into the city. The city had yet to implement a carriage system—most residents were fine with just walking. The plane landed not far from the incredibly tall Imperial palace, in Green Emperor Way. There had previously been gravestones around here, but they had been moved several decades ago to make way for the airport.

"Ok, where is this Temple District?" Fry wondered as he and Bender got out and ran with the other teams.

"I don't know, I'm just following the stampede!" Bender replied.

"Oh…" Fry kept running off with the other teams before stopping to realize that there were six different gates leading to other Districts of the city.

"Hey, wait a minute!" he cried, suddenly stopping. Bender did so as well but crashed into an unfortunate Cyrodiilic man. "Watch where you're going, clumsy machine!" he cried.

"Racist!" Bender snapped back. "You can bite my shiny metal ass!"

"I'd rather use it to forge a sword!" the man replied.

"Well, I'd rather use _yours _to—"

"QUIET!" Fry shrieked. "Bender, we have no idea where we're going and we're already causing trouble. Let's just ask for directions to the Temple District and—"

"The Temple District? That's through the gate to the southwest," the man replied. "Now get moving before I get the guards over here."

"Ok, thanks!" Fry said. "Now, which way is southwest…?"

The teachers were also getting directions after having gone through a gate and realizing that there was no giant dragon statue around.

"Excuse me, we're trying to find the Temple District," Mrs. Puff said politely to an Argonian.

"Don't ask me, I'm just a merchant who comes to town every so often," he said. "But I can say that right now you're in the Market District. Nowhere near what you're looking for."

"Let's try the opposite gate from Green Emperor Way, then," Ms. Bitters suggested.

The Texans were having similar difficulties.

"Should we go back to the Emperor place?" Luanne asked Peggy. "All these streets are starting to look alike. We could pass through the Temple District and not even know it!"

"I've got a sure-fire solution!" Peggy declared as they kept going. "I talked to one of the guards. The city is like a clock. You can just run around all the districts in a circle, and if we do that we'll inevitably get to where we need to be while all the others are running around helpless and visiting the same places twice by going back to the center and getting confused!"

_"__Part of me wanted to say that was really smart, but another part of me wanted to say that was really dumb," Luanne admitted later on. "It wasn't until later that one of those parts won."_

"And we're in…lemme guess, NOT the Temple District?" Olimar asked a Dunmer woman.

"Nope. Talos Plaza," she said. "But you're close. The Temple District is the one south of here. Just follow the gates!"

"Ok, thank you!" he said, and the two Hocotatians went off, a bit more slowly and confidently this time.

"Hey, Vegeta, check it out!" Nappa cried, pointing to what appeared to be…

"Oh, sweet, an arena!" Vegeta cried. "This is my kind of city! This really takes me back. Remember Cell and the tournament?"

"Who's Cell? What tournament?" Nappa asked.

"Oh, yeah, that's right, you weren't there. Well, as fun as it would be to watch a match, we can't right now. Have to go find that damned temple. Maybe we can come back later when the leg is over?"

"I hope so," Nappa said. "Hey, wait a minute…check out the flags!"

"So, lots of arenas have flags."

"Those are red and yellow."

"So?"

"…Eh, you're right, it's probably nothin'. Oh, wait, Vegeta, look!"

"What?"

"A cluebox!"

"Don't joke with me."

"Sorry."

_"__I wasn't joking, though, there really was a cluebox! But not the one we were looking for," Nappa said._

"So, we just go two gates down south and we're good?" Chris asked. The Orc they were talking to nodded.

"Yep," she said. "You can't miss the giant dragon statue of Akatosh! Did you know how it came to be?"

"We don't have time, thanks, bye!" Elise cried, grabbing her husband and rushing off.

Fry and Bender, meanwhile, were already at the Temple District. Bender whistled at the sight of the dragon.

"That's one big-ass dragon!" he remarked. "Wonder how it came to be."

"Eh, who cares, the important thing is that there's a cluebox!" Fry cried. Much to their dismay, the history of the dragon statue was elaborated upon in the clue.

_This dragon statue is a representation of Akatosh, one of the Nine Divines. During an event known as the Oblivion Crisis, an evil deity known as Mehrunes Dagon attempted to bring Oblivion—the world of the daedra, the world he ruled—to the mortal plane—Tamriel—by opening up Oblivion portals all over the continent. His plan was set in motion when a cult that worshipped him, known as the Mythic Dawn, assassinated the reigning Emperor and his sons. But his illegitimate son Martin survived and eventually stopped Mehrunes Dagon by calling upon the power of Akatosh, transforming himself into a dragon and defeating the daedra lord. When he was defeated, Martin became this dragon statue, a monument to the power of Akatosh and a commemoration of the defeat of the daedra._

_But enough about that! Make your way to the Arena District for your next clue._

"Whoo hoo! First!" Bender cried, grabbing Fry and carrying him off to their next destination.

"Wait, we don't even know where the Arena is!" Fry cried.

_"__Don't get me wrong, I love blindly rushing into places, but this is the one place and time where we can't do that!" Fry said. "Not that Bender would listen."_

Future Buddies: currently in First

The Hocotatians were next to arrive at the Temple District.

"Make your way to the Arena District!" The President read. "Well, off we go, then!"

Hocotatians: currently in Second

"So…" Luanne asked Peggy, "If we're going to be going around the Districts in a circle, which way should we go first?"

"Counter-clockwise!" Peggy insisted. "It's got to be against the clock. Everybody loves doing stuff counter-clockwise, anyways." Luanne had no choice but to follow her partner.

_"__She was just guessing there, I just know it!" Luanne declared._

Regardless, the two went north to find themselves in the Arena District, just as the Saiyans were leaving it.

"Are you sure we shouldn't follow them?" Luanne asked Peggy.

"No, they'll just get lost!" Peggy insisted. "We're good sticking with what we decided."

"You mean, what _you _decided," Luanne muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Back in Green Emperor way, two teams were going southwest and two teams were going east to the Arena. As they ran past each other, Ms. Bitters' sharp eyes could see the teams coming from the southwest holding clues.

"They've found it!" She told Mrs. Puff. "We go where they just went!"

"Nappa, we're following them!" Vegeta said. "Ms. Bitters seems to know exactly where things are. I'm on to you two, 'teachers'…"

And so two more teams sped off towards the Temple District.

"Make your way to the Arena," Elise read. "Ok, Chris, let's go. I see two more teams coming."

"Right behind ya!" he said. "Hi Ms. Bitters! And…hi, Vegeta and Nappa."

"Oh, so I don't get any recognition?" Mrs. Puff demanded.

"And hello to you, too, Mrs. Puff," Elise said. "Now let's go!"

"Indeed," Ms. Bitters said as she and the Saiyans took their clues. Since the Saiyans already knew where the Arena District was, the other two teams ended up following them anyway.

The group went back across Green Emperor Way—by this point they were all pretty exhausting from running around—and saw a low-flying plane touching down.

"It's the other teams!" Nappa cried. "Run faster, Vegeta!"

"I'm not allowed to go any faster than this, according to Kakerot!" Vegeta protested.

"You guys are all going to love the Arena!" Goku said cheerfully.

As 3 teams got to the Arena district, 4 more piled out of the plane.

"Get your non-existent ass to that Temple place!" Arachne cried, scampering as fast as her 8 legs would take her, with Slim running even faster.

"Why don't you catch up to me, and then we can talk about perceptions of slowness!" Slim called back.

_"__I'm proud of her. She's learning comebacks now! Good…" Arachne rubbed her feet together sinisterly._

"Let's try the west gate first," Tai Lee said to Mai. Mai, knowing how badly her decision-making had been last time, said nothing.

_"__I'm giving Tai Lee near-complete autonomy to make up for my mistake," Mai said. "Only time will tell if this was a good idea on my part."_

"Toadsworth, we're following them!" Peach said.

"Very well, then, Princess," Toadsworth replied. "But please be slow enough for me to follow you. I'm old, you know!"

"Fine, just hurry as fast as your tiny legs can take you!" Peach cried.

_"__Toadsworth really became a liability in the Imperial City," Peach sighed._

"Bob, we're going east," Elastigirl said.

"What about the others? They all went west," Mr. Incredible pointed out.

"I don't care, I saw 3 other teams from the first flight going east," Elastigirl said. "I've got a hunch that that's where we need to be to find the Temple District."

"I hope you're not wrong."

"Me neither."

Fry and Bender reached the Arena District first—at least, they were the first team to do so that had already gone to the Temple District.

"What are you guys doing here?" Luanne asked.

"We got the clue and it said to go here," Fry said. "I don't think you're supposed to be here until you find the Temple District first."

"What? WHERE IS THE TEMPLE DISTRICT?! WHERE?!" Luanne pleaded. Fry was about to answer, but his mouth was clamped shut by Bender's metal hand.

"No! We'll never tell you as long as we're alive! You'll never get us to talk!" Bender insisted, dragging Fry over to the cluebox to read it himself.

"It's no use, Luanne," Peggy said. "We're sticking with our strategy!"

"No!" Luanne countered. "Your 'strategy' is costing us the race! Other teams have already found the Temple District! I've got to get directions from somebody! Fry, WHERE is the Temple District?!" Fry pointed in its general direction, much to Bender's dismay. All Luanne could do was follow it.

"Luanne, wait!" Peggy cried, racing after her teammate.

She didn't stop running.

"Detour," Bender read. "Battle or Gamble?"

_In this Detour, teams will get to experience the thrills of the Imperial City Arena. In Gamble, teams will place a bet on either the blue team or the yellow team, and then watch a match in the Arena. If the team they betted on wins, they get the money from the bet and their next clue. If the team they betted on loses, then they must try again. This task is straightforward, but relies on 50/50 luck. Powers banned._

_In Battle, teams must put on Arena armor and be combatants in the Arena, fighting against 3 sets of two opponents together in a double battle. Once all of the opponents are defeated, then they get their next clue. If they lose to any of the opponents, then they will have to try again once their wounds are healed. This task is fun but poses a challenge. Powers permitted, but teams without powers are free to use the weapons provided._

"I wanna win money!" Bender cried. "We're betting!"

"You sure battling wouldn't be easier?" Fry asked.

"Your weak, fleshy body wouldn't be able to handle it!" Bender insisted.

"But I can just wear armor!" Fry said.

"Whatever."

Future buddies: currently in First

The Hocotatians were next to arrive.

"Gamble or Battle?" the President read. "I say Gamble."

"Battle!" Olimar insisted.

"No, the Pikmin won't stand a chance!" the President said. "Can we just try a few matches? If we lose three bets in a row then we can switch."

"Fine, then, 3 matches," Olimar insisted. "But then no more!"

Hocotatians: currently in Second

The next 3 teams all arrived at the same time.

"Battle or Ga-?" Nappa read.

"Battle!" Vegeta cried. Nappa had no qualms about that.

"Battle or Gamble?" Mrs. Puff asked.

"We'll do battle," Ms. Bitters insisted. "We'll manage, trust me."

"All right, then, I trust that you know what you're doing," Mrs. Puff said.

"Let's try Gamble first, Elise," Chris suggested. "This Arena looks like a place where you could seriously get hurt."

"No kidding," Elise said. "But if things go bad then we switch."

"Ok…"

The first five teams gathered in the Arena.

"WELCOME…TO THE ARENA!" cried the voice of a Cyrodiilic man that sounded a lot like the one Bender had bumped into. Then again, many people in Tamriel sounded alike due to the limit of voice actors in the Elder Scrolls games.

We'll be having five matches at this moment," he announced, "1 standard blue vs. yellow match, and 2 special matches fought by the teams in the Amazing Race, which has made its way through our fair city!" The crowd roared with delight upon hearing the news of fresh meat being delivered to them. The Arena was quickly divided up into thirds. One match was solo, but the other two were double battles for the racing teams.

"My money's on the blue team!" Bender said to Fry, referring to the solo match.

"That's funny, we betted on the yellow team," Chris remarked. "Looks like one of us is getting out of here first."

"We betted on blue as well," the President said. "But they're up against the Saiyans!" he added with a gulp.

"There goes a week's paycheck," Olimar remarked.

The solo matched commenced, featuring a Dunmer woman on the yellow team with a net and a trident in light armor and a burly Nord man on the blue team in heavy armor with a battle axe. The Nord looked huge and intimidating as he charged and the Dunmer woman, but she was unafraid, strafing to one side and jabbing at the Nord with her trident, stabbing the prongs into his helmet. The trident prongs got stuck in his helmet, but she quickly kicked at the Nord and used his body as a boost to pull out the trident, sending her landing on her back not far from him. The Nord raised his battle axe and tried to slam it down on her, but the woman dodged, launching her net at him as she got up. Helpless, the Nord man tried to break free as the Dunmer woman stabbed at him repeatedly with her trident. Finally, she knocked off his helmet and pierced her prongs into his throat. Chris shut his eyes in disgust.

"Oh…so it's to death…" Elise muttered.

"Victory goes to…THE YELLOW TEAM!" the announcer cried. Chris and Elise got their money and their clue and got out of there as fast as they could.

"Ok, what's our next clue?" Chris asked.

"Ok, lemme see…" Elise read it carefully and then realized something. "Hey, our last clue from the Temple District had a Fast-Forward in it!" she remarked.

"Oh, really? What's it say?"

"Well…"

_For this Fast-forward, teams must make their way north of the Imperial City to the city of Bruma, near the border with Skyrim. Just north of the city walls is a massive Imperial Gate, the site of a large daedric siege engine that was almost used to destroy Bruma, but was stopped at the last minute by [name of player]. The team attempting this Fast-Forward must make their way to the Oblivion gate the siege engine pokes out of, which will close once one team has entered, locking them into Oblivion until they complete the task inside or time runs out. Once inside Oblivion, teams must make their way through the daedric world to retrieve a Sigil Stone, the only way out. Once they find and grab this stone, they will be transported out of Oblivion, right back where they were, and will be given their next clue by a daedra lord, which will take them straight to the Pit Stop. If they do not retrieve the Sigil Stone before time runs out, then they are automatically warped back to the mortal plane. If another team is present, then they will get a turn to run through the course. If no other teams are present, then they are free to try again._

"Should we try it?" Chris suggested.

"No, it looks like too much of a hassle. Let's just keep following the Route Info," Elise said.

_Route Info: Teams must now make their way to Skingrad, a city southwest of the Imperial City and the second-largest in Cyrodiil. Teams are free to take a carriage there, if they can find someone willing to give them a ride._

"Ok, then, off to Skingrad!" Chris declared.

"Skingrad…" Elise muttered.

"What?" Chris asked.

"Sounds like a weird name," she lied.

_"__Cyrodiil's local cities are run by counts or countesses," Elise explained. "The count of Skingrad…well, let's just say I had an assignment here once. That's how I knew about the intergalactic airports. I also found out something about the count, and he and my organization made some…non-disclosure agreements. I might be able to use this to my advantage..."_

Normal Couple: currently in First

Back at the Arena, the Saiyans, with their awesome Saiyan powers, had no problem defeating their opponents. Just a few blasts of energy and some punches and kicks and warp-arounds easily overwhelmed their first wave of fighters, a duo of knife-throwing Breton women.

"Who's next?!" Vegeta cried. He and Nappa had put on the heavy armor but needed no weapons. Their next opponents were an Argonian with a bow and arrows and a Khajiit with an axe. Nappa rushed over to tackle the Khajiit, not even bothered to worry about getting his face hit with the axe, while Vegeta sent blasts at the Argonian while effortlessly dodging the arrows.

In no time at all, Vegeta sped towards the Argonian and grabbed him by the neck, tossing him forward into the back of the Khajiit, whose axe had been broken by Nappa with a mouth-beam. The crowd cheered wildly as the two Saiyans finished off their opponents at the same time.

"Just one more battle for these two, folks!" the announcer cried. "Unfortunately, they can't stay forever…"

"You'd get bored of us, anyway!" Vegeta insisted.

_"__I loved being surrounded by dozens of crazed, cheering fans, being adored just for being tough and awesome!" Nappa cried._

_"__It was great to see that the Saiyan race got the respect it deserved at the Arena," Vegeta said. "As a reward I promise to never destroy Tamriel…of course, Kakerot probably won't let me destroy any planets, period."_

Saiyans: 2/3 matches won

Ms. Bitters, meanwhile, did most of the fighting for her match while Mrs. Puff stood back shooting lightning bolts for cover from a staff that she had selected from the arsenal. Ms. Bitters rushed around, attacking with mysterious shadowy powers that the author can't elaborate upon because they're not exactly canon. :P

Ms. Bitters also had a knife which she used to strike at her opponents, consisting of two Orcs with huge clubs and light armor. She was able to dodge their attacks and whittle down their health easily due to their poor defenses, and Mrs. Puff quickly dodged everything and shot lightning bolts when the Orcs got to close. Eventually, they fell dead.

Teachers: 1/3 matches won

Their next two opponents were a pair of mages, an older, male, High Elven one relying on destruction spells to shoot powerful fireballs at the team, while the other mage, a younger and female Redguard, focused on poisoning the two with different spells that made them feel heavy and weak.

"I'll…get…the one shooting the fireballs," Ms. Bitters groaned as she got hid with a Burden spell. She was too encumbered by artificially-induced weight to move around. It felt like she was carrying a huge load on her back that she couldn't get rid of. "Hand me the lightning staff. Take my knives and…"

"All right," Mrs. Puff said, grabbing the knives and trying to rush forward. Ms. Bitters tried to cover for Mrs. Puff by shooting the lightning staff, but she could barely lift it due to the Burden spell and missed. The fireball-shooting mage quickly annihilated Mrs. Puff with one charged-up blast, and Ms. Bitters fell to another one. The crowd booed.

"It seems that these two have lost! They will be spared, as per the rules of the race…unfortunately," the announcer said.

"Thank goodness we're not actual competitors," Mrs. Puff remarked. "We'd have gotten killed!"

"Let's switch," Ms. Bitters decided. "I'm sorry I failed you."

"It's all right," Mrs. Puff reassured her teammate. "Those two were tough! I sure would have liked to have seen SpongeBob take them on…eheheheheh…"

Teachers: switching to Gamble

"See, I TOLD YOU we'd find the Temple District!" Luanne insisted, grabbing the clue. "Now let's get back to the Arena!"

Peggy grumbled, saying nothing.

Texans: currently in Sixth

The Supers, meanwhile, found themselves already at the Arena.

"Wait…are we supposed to be here yet?" Mr. Incredible asked.

"There must have been some other in-between clue," Elastigirl decided. "Let's keep looking, then!"

_"__I felt AWFUL about making that stupid decision in front of Bob and national TV," Elastigirl said. "But what could I do but move on and learn from it?"_

_"__I did not make a mistake!" Peggy insisted. "I just…was a bit too hasty, that's all! Luanne will realize that in time. I think."_

"Ok, thanks!" Tai Lee said as she and Mai got directions to the Temple District. Peach and Toadsworth, unbeknownst to them, were trailing them. As for the MC mobs…

"Dammit!" Arachne cried. "If we hadn't gotten to the stupid Elven Gardens by accident…"

"It was your idea to choose this district, you know," Slim pointed out.

"…Oh yeah. Let's just get going. To the temple! Onward! Andele! Forward! Godspeed! Aste levista!"

"Did you spell that right?" Slim asked.

"I don't know, the author knows no Spanish!" Arachne said. "He wanted to learn Latin because he thought Spanish was too 'mainstream'! Such a hipster! Might as well wear glasses and one of those stupid hats like the Nostalgia Critic wears and sip coffee at some stupid Starbucks, typing away in public so that everyone knows how much of a nerd he is!"

"_That wasn't very nice to the author," Slim remarked. "Still, once I figured out we were in a fanfiction, Arachne couldn't believe it. She looked up everything she could and when she finally believed me, he was furious at the author for giving her such a horrible backstory. I…just learned to live with it."_

The Fire Nation Girls and the Mushroomites were the next to arrive at the Temple District's cluebox.

"We're going to the Arena!" Tai Lee announced. Peach was about to follow them when Toadsworth stopped her.

"Wait, Princess!" he cried. "Read the rest of the clue! There's a Fast-Forward on here!"

"Oh…? We should do that!" Peach declared. "We're so far behind and we need to find some way to catch up to avoid staying in last for so long!"

"I agree wholeheartedly!" Toadsworth said. "I believe the most ideal exit out of the city walls is from the gate west of the Talos Plaza District, where we just were. Let us make haste!"

_"__With this Fast-Forward, we just might have a chance!" Peach cried excitedly. "I'm confident that Toadsworth can be a big help here!"_

_"__With the Princess' athleticism and spunk, and my wit and wisdom, we'll be unstoppable once we're in the lead!" Toadsworth cried. "If we can do this Fast-Forward, that is."_

The last two teams reached the cluebox at the Temple District around the same time.

"What do we do? What do we do?" Arachne asked.

"The last time we took a risk, it didn't go so well," Slim reminded her. "Let's just go to the Arena and run the race normally. If we fail the Fast-Forward then that's it."

"If we see a lot of teams at the Arena, then we have a chance," Elastigirl said to her husband. "If not, then we take the Fast-Forward."

"So I don't get a say in this?"

"No, Bob, not when I'm fighting for our right to be in the race!" Elastigirl snapped back.


	8. Nothing to do with my body--Leg 2 part 3

Leg 2, part 3: This has nothing to do with my body!

The Texans made it to the Arena without incident.

"Detour: Gamble or Battle?" Peggy read. "I say Gamble." Luanne nodded, not willing to fight Peggy on this one.

The Supers were next to the Arena District, since the Fire Nation girls didn't know the way. The MC Mobs were right behind them.

"Detour," Elastigirl read. "We should do Gamble."

"Aw, come on, honey! We won't get another opportunity to do this!" Mr. Incredible pleaded. "And if we lose the bets then other teams will be going ahead of us!"

"We'll try a few times, and then we'll switch," Elastigirl decided. "I really think we should save our strength, though."

_"__If we could just get out of last or near-last then we'd be free to do whatever we wanted in this race!" Mr. Incredible said. "This is just humiliating. How are two superheroes losing so badly?!"_

"Battle! We're battling and I don't care what you think!" Arachne said.

"Actually…I was going to say the same thing," Slim said. "We're not relying on luck anymore unless we absolutely have to. Period."

"Yes, you agree!" Arachne hi-fived with one of her legs. "Now let's go find four pairs of leggings for me!"

"We're battling!" Tai Lee said. "After what we went through at the licorice Detour last time…"

"I know," Mai said. "I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you." The girls hugged hopefully and then went into the bloodworks beneath the Arena, finding Slim and Arachne already there.

"Well, we meet again!" cried Arachne as they all were outfitted with armor. "You guys have your own weapons?"

"We do!" said Tai Lee. "Ourselves! Well, Mai has some kunai stuff that block your chi. But you guys aren't benders."

"Bender isn't a bender, either," remarked Slim. "How ironic."

"Will you benders quite yappin'?!" the Redguard in charge of the bloodworks said. "For the Detour, I'm gonna make things exciting: since you two seem to be so amicable towards each other, you're going to have to fight each other!"

"WHAT?!" the teams cried.

"I thought we were supposed to fight some opponents you guys sent out for us!" Tai Lee protested.

"We're running low on gladiators now thanks to the Saiyans and their power," the Redguard explained. "I don't care if I'm breaking race rules, these folks paid good money and would like to see a tough fight!"

_"__Well…we'll just have to try our best," Slim said. "I hope Arachne isn't too harsh on them…"_

_"__I'll rip their eyes out! I'll sink my fangs into their necks and poison them! I'll wrap'em up with webbing and hurl them into the stands! I'll…" Arachne proceeded to monologue on the many ways in which she would torture her victims._

_"__Tai Lee and I have agreed that I'm taking on Slim, and she goes after Arachne," Mai said. "Our personalities match somewhat, except Slim seems to be more humanitarian, despite not actually being human."_

_"__Oooh, this is so exciting and nerve-wracking!" Tai Lee said simply._

Meanwhile, in the stands of the Arena, 5 teams were in the stands, rooting for either the yellow team or the blue team in the regular matches. No one had to fight race teams as their opponents. The future buddies and Hocotatians, as well as the Texans and Supers, were betting on rival fighters in the matches. The Teachers were betting on the yellow team alone, hoping for the best.

_"__Our placement in the race was now based on the efforts of some random people in the Arena that we didn't even know and would probably die before we could thank them!" Peggy said. "Let's hope the next leg is ZERO luck challenges!"_

_"__I wasn't too worried," Luanne said. "It was 50/50, much more fair than the licorice stuff. And we did well on that, too. I just prayed to Jesus that we could get through this task. I'm pretty sure He cares enough about the Amazing Race to help us. Peggy doesn't think, so, though."_

_"__I was really hoping the blue team would win, so then we'd get to go to the Arena and fight," Mr. Incredible said. "We were betting on the yellow team. Helen got all squeamish when she found out it was to the death, but that just pumped me up more! If only my old insuricare boss could end up down there…or Syndrome!"_

The announcer's matches went like this:

"VICTORY GOES TO…"

"THE YELLOW TEAM!"

"THE YELLOW TEAM!"

"THE BLUE TEAM!"

"Yes, we won!" Mrs. Puff cried, clapping her fins.

"Yay, thank you, Jesus!" Luanne cried, jumping for joy.

"YES! I knew all it would take was one more battle!" Olimar cried happily.

Teachers: currently in Second

Texans: currently Third

Hocotatians: currently in Fourth

"Off to Skingrad!" Mrs. Puff declared.

"Well…yes, Skingrad," Ms. Bitters said.

"What's wrong?" Mrs. Puff asked.

"To tell you the truth, I was hoping we'd go to a different city," Ms. Bitters said. "Cheydinhaal, to the east of here. We couldn't go to Skingrad and stop by it at the same time."

"Maybe we'll have time after the race," Mrs. Puff reassured her teammate. "What did you want to do there?"

"Pay my respects," Ms. Bitters said. "The Night Mother lost her children there unjustly."

"Who?"

"Nothing."

"How much money do we have left?" Olimar asked.

"Plenty," said the President. "Don't worry about carriage fare."

"Ok, Skingrad!" Peggy breathed, walking briskly out of the Arena district and back to Green Emperor Way with the others. The teams were all a bit tired of running around, so they just jogged at best. "That's supposed to be another huge city."

"And we're not going around it like a clock!" Luanne insisted.

"You're right," Peggy admitted. "I was wrong, and even winners of the substitute teacher of the year award ought to have lessons in humility sometimes. We need a guide or something."

"Did someone say 'guide'?" asked a rather chipper Cyrodiilic woman.

"Why, yes!" said Peggy. "We were wondering if there was some way we could—"

"Say no more! I have just the thing!" the woman said, reaching into a bag she carried and withdrawing a book titled "Guide to Skingrad".

"How convenient!" said Luanne. "Watcha' carryin' all those guides around for?"

"I wrote them!" the woman said. "My name is Alessia Otus, and I wrote these guides to help good, gods-fearing folk like yourselves where things are safe and what to avoid in each city! Well, _almost _every city…"

"Well, you've got one for Skingrad, that's all that matters!" Peggy said, proceeding to pay Alessia.

"No need!" Alessia told them. "I'm set for life on the royalties my books made! I've sold millions of copies all over Cyrodiil!" The Texans happily took the book and followed the other teams out, who had all gone to the west gate.

The whole of the Imperial City was situated on an island on a lake known as Lake Rumare. There was a bridge connecting the island with the mainland outside the west gate, and the teams crossed it as fast as they could. Well, all but one team that hadn't been so hasty.

"Wait, Ms. Bitters, look! Stables!" Mrs. Puff cried. Sure enough, just between the gate and the bridge were some stables with horses for sale. "I think we have enough," Mrs. Puff said, referring to their money. They did, but afterwards they had very few septims (Tamriel's currency) left for the race.

"He's perfectly tame, I assure you!" the Orc woman told them. "He's fast and will get you to Skingrad in no time."

"Thank you!" the teachers said, riding off across the bridge, their horse galloping past the other teams.

"Where did they get that?!" Peggy cried. Luanne immediately looked back and saw the stables, and Peggy followed her, content to let her go and buy one for themselves. The Hocotatians followed them as well.

"We'll just have to follow the group!" Olimar said reluctantly.

"Are we tall enough for the horse?" the President asked. While the Texans were able to easily get on theirs and head out, Olimar had to summon his Pikmin to make a chain carrying him and the President up to their horse. But eventually they set out as well.

Normal couple: currently in First

Teachers: currently in Second

Texans: currently in Third

Hocotatians: currently in Fourth

Mushroomites: On their way to the Fast Forward

Back at the Arena, Vegeta and Nappa were disposing of their last opponents, which had proven to be no tougher than their first.

Saiyans: 3/3 battles

"And the winner is…THE SAIYANS!" the announcer cried, letting the team take in the cheers as they grabbed their clue.

"That was so much fun! Finally, a place where I could just hold nothing back and beat the tar out of random people!" Vegeta cried. "And they even let me kill them, too!"

"I know, it was great!" Nappa cried. "And it was so violent that I saw the camera crews just stopped filming!"

"Was this before or after I cut that guy's stomach open and strangled him with his own intestines?" Vegeta asked.

"Uh, after, I think."

"Good! Can't wait to see how that looks on TV!" Vegeta said as he read their next clue. "Well, off to Skingrad."

"And no flying allowed!" Goku added. Vegeta rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Nappa…let's…WALK to the next location."

"Why would we walk when we can run?"

"I was being sarcastic."

"You mean facetious?"

"I don't even know anymore."

Saiyans: currently in Fifth

Meanwhile, on Gamble…

"The winner is…THE YELLOW TEAM!" the announcer cried.

"Aw, come on!" Bender and Mr. Incredible cried. Bender was mad because he had lost yet another bet, and Mr. Incredible was mad because it meant that they had to go.

"Ok, make your way to Skingrad! Let's go!" Elastigirl cried, heading off with her disappointed husband.

Supers: currently in Sixth

"Ok, the yellow team has won more than the blue," Bender said. "So we're going with them next!"

"Bad idea, Bender. We're almost out of money!" Fry told him. "This'll be the last bet we can make before we can't afford anymore!"

"What? And then we'll have to battle!" Bender said. "And you can't fight!"

"I think I could at least try!" Fry protested. "Come on, what do we have to lose? One of those other teams is going to get beaten anyway!"

"Wait a minute…that's it!" Bender said. "We'll bet on which one of those other teams will win, and so if we win we go with them, and if we lose we fight the last team!"

"And what if we lose and the last team beats us?" Fry asked. "Or if they make us fight 3 sets of opponents like the way the Detour is supposed to go?"

"Uh…can't we just have fun and take risks?" Bender pleaded.

"Not if those risks involve us losing the race!" Fry said.

"Bah, you meat-bags and your constant fretting over your precious organs and limbs and bodies!" Bender remarked snidely.

"This has nothing to do with my body!" Fry pointed out. "Although I really hope fighting in the Arena won't hurt too much."

"It won't, trust me!" Bender reassured him. "I wouldn't let my best friend get hurt!"

"Ok, then, we'll go with your plan!" Fry said. "But which team do we bet on?"

"Mai and Tai Lee!" Bender decided.

The two teams that Bender had placed his hopes on squared off in the Arena, waiting for the announcer tell them that they had permission to tear each other apart.

All the combatants were wearing light armor—_lightweight _armor, not skimpy fanservice outfits meant to look like armor. Arachne wouldn't have allowed that anyway. Mai had her kunai while Tai Lee had a single dagger—much deadlier than it looked. Slim had a standard sword and shield, and Arachne had no weapons save her webbing and her fangs.

"DUE TO THE RACE'S…SAFETY REGULATIONS," the announcer said—he was met with boos from the audiene who wanted someone to get killed, and Arachne booed along with them—"COMBATANTS WILL BE WARPED BACK TO THE BLOODWORKS UNDERNEATH THE ARENA BEFORE A FATAL BLOW CAN BE DELIVERED." A mage in black robes waved at the audience, getting pelted with tomatoes for just doing his job.

"REGARDLESS, THIS WILL BE A FIGHT THAT WON'T SOON BE FORGOTTEN! LET THE BATTLE…BEGIN!"

But of course, the camera crew cut to a commercial break and opened it back up with switched POVs, annoying the viewers and causing them to have to wait longer for the actual fight to begin. XD

"Isn't it nice that we're able to just relax?" Chris said. "The Great Forest is huge, and the Gold Road ought to take us to Skingrad quickly enough." They were riding on separate horses, having had enough money to afford one for both of them in case something were to happen to one of them. Elise's was already a bit wounded.

"Yeah, but so far we had to fight dozens of bears and minotaurs and crazy bandits off-screen," Elise said, looking a bit battered and bruised. "Not your fault, though, this place is supposed to be tough."

"Nothing's too tough for you, Elise!" Chris replied.

"Aww, thanks," Elise said. "But trust me, there are some things that not even I can handle. Like Dan."

"You don't really 'handle' Dan so much as you just put up with him," Chris said. Suddenly, they heard hoofbeats.

"There's someone coming up behind us!" Elise cried, steering her horse to the side to let them pass. Sure enough, three horses went along by their two.

"The teachers…the Texans…the little guys…" Chris remarked as he watched them gallop by.

"Hocotatians," Elise corrected him, dusting the leaves off her pants. "That's fine. Apparently they were able to afford the horses, too. Guess I underestimated them."

"So, now what?" Chris asked.

"Get your reins and get your horse to go fast. As fast as you can make it go," Elise said, "And follow me. I know a shortcut that we can take."

"Uh…" but before Chris could object Elise was already off, getting her horse to run as fast as she could to pass up to the other teams.

"Wait for me and Oaty!" Chris cried. "I named him that because they said he liked oats!"

But again, that was too exciting to focus on, so let's cut to Peach and Toadsworth instead.

Peach and Toadsworth went up the Red Road, heading north into the Jerall Mountains, where Bruma lay, a wintery city if there ever was one. Peach kept holding Toadsworth's hand, just to make sure he was still there. The two had bought one horse, and he was so short that she was worried he'd fall off.

"I'm still here, Princess. I'm a bit chilly, but I'll be all right," he said. "I'm with you every step of the way. I'll be here for as long as I can."

"…Thank you," Peach said. "I'm…I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Sorry for getting you on this race. Sorry for getting kidnapped all the time. For making you worried sick about me." Toadsworth chuckled.

"Princess, I'll always be worried about you," he said. "It's my job as your grandfather to do to so."

"So that's how we're related," Peach said. "But then how come I'm not a Toad?"

"You're only half-Toad," Toadsworth explained. "Toads and humans always have human children. But that doesn't make you any less of the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom."

"Thank you," Peach said. "I kind of wish it could be you instead of me."

"No, no, Princess," Toadsworth said. "It's your responsibility to rule your people and free them from Bowser's tyranny one day. Not mine, or even Mario's. You'll get your chance soon one day, I know it. The question is, will I be around to see it?"

The two said no more words as they trudged northward to Bruma.

Back at the Arena, that darned commercial break had just ended, so the MC Mobs and the Fire Nation girls began their battle.

"For the Fire Nation!" Tai Lee cried.

"For ourselves!" Arachne cried.

Mai rushed forward, tossing a kunai at Slim, who easily saw it coming and teleported out of the way without moving so much as a limb. Arachne charged at Tai Lee, who somersaulted over her and kicked her in the abdomen.

"That hurt, you little-!" Arachne checked to make sure that she could still shoot out webbing. She could, and so she used it like a highly flexible tendril to wrap around Tai Lee's wrist, dragging her back towards her. Tai Lee saw it coming and stopped, dropped and rolled to break the spider's hold on her, setting them squarely at each other again. Arachne charged once more…

Mai's eyes darted around, looking for Slim, not knowing that she was right behind her, about to whack her in the head with her shield. Mai felt a sudden blow to her head, and she staggered around for a moment before realizing that Slim had hit her. She darted around, only to find that Slim had warped behind her head again. This time Mai was ready, though, and tossed a kunai backwards at Slim, hitting her in the stomach. Slim grunted and warped again, this time reflexively dropping her mouth open in rage, landing in front of Mai and charging right at her, slashing away with her sword. Mai ducked out of the first few blows…

…but Tai Lee quickly delivered an unusual pinch with her fingers on Arachne's head.

"Ow! Why—what did you do?!" she demanded. Tai Lee merely giggled as one of Arachne's legs gave way.

"Do that 7 more times! I DARE YOU!" Arachne cried, sinking her huge fangs into Tai Lee's leg, biting at her shin with great force. Tai Lee screamed in pain, taking her knife and preparing to stab Arachne with it. Arachne pulled back in time, but not before Tai Lee could slash at another one of the spider's legs. But Arachne managed to stay balanced nevertheless.

…but eventually Slim caught up to her, slashing away at chest and arms. Mai tried to throw another Kunai at her, but Slim blocked it with her shield, and then used it to bash into Mai's face—a common tactic among the toughest noobs in Skyrim, next to hacking away with a one-handed battleaxe with no regard for your own health. Lol.

"This is one awesome fight!" Fry cried. Bender was too busy munching on popcorn to speak.

"Who did we bet on again?" Bender asked. Fry shrugged.

Back at the fight, Slim kept bashing Mai with her shield, either blocking or warping around to withstand the blows from her kunai. Mai finally collapsed, bleeding and bruised, being warped away by the observing mage, indicating that she was out of the fight.

Tai Lee, meanwhile, was finishing off Arachne, knocking enfeebling one leg at a time and finally stabbing Arachne in her abdomen with her blade. Arachne was warped off the battlefield.

Tai Lee and Slim faced each other, both badly hurt and hobbling towards each other to fight. Slim weakly warped to Tai Lee's side, while Tai Lee struggled to hit her. Slim clumsily slashed at Tai Lee with her sword, clashing with Tai Lee's own knife. Tai Lee's fingers were too weak to block Slim's chi, and Slim was too weak to warp anymore.

The audience began to boo when it was clear that the two combatants were not fitting each other in an epic manner.

"BOO! FINISH HIM! I MEAN HER!" Bender cried.

Finally, Slim stepped back as Tai Lee suddenly began to sweat profusely.

"It's over," she breathed.

"What?" Tai Lee demanded.

"Arachne…poisoned you," Slim said, breathing heavily. "It…it's about to take effect." Tai Lee suddenly keeled over and fainted. The mage warped both of them out. After a few minutes to clarify who the winner was, the announcer cried:

"THE WINNERS ARE…ARACHNE AND SLIM!" the crowd cheered wildly, save for Fry.

"We betted on the other girls!" Fry cried in realization.

"NOOO!" Bender cried. "Now what do we do?!"

"We're out of money!" Fry cried. "We'll just have to fight it out ourselves or…hey, a Fast-Forward!" Fry realized after more closely inspected their clue.

"Wait…where are the toadheads?" Bender asked.

"Oh, they…they must have gone to go do it!" Fry realized.

"Well if they're halfway to that snow place by now, then what does that leave us to do?!" Bender asked worriedly. Fry narrowed his eyes.

"We fight," he replied. "Or, you will since I can't do much."

"What?!" Bender demanded. "Me? Fight? I'm a pacifist!"

"Only against other robots," Fry said. "And only when they don't annoy you or take your stuff and you can't effectively fight them back! So let's switch!"

"Fine, whatever," Bender said. "But only to survive in the race!"

Meanwhile, the MC mobs read their clue.

"Make your way to Skingrad! Ok, consider it done!" Arachne read quickly. Both teams had been healed by some mages.

"Should we switch?" Mai asked.

"I guess so," Tai Lee replied. "I think we have enough money to afford some bets. But this will be the second time we've switched Detours."

_"__This race has been very harsh on us," Mai lamented. "We started out so well, and we were briefly in first, and now we're fighting to avoid last. It's just so unfair that one little mistake I made is going to make us lose."_

_"__I think Mai is really being hard on herself," Tai Lee remarked. "But she really shouldn't be. I was the one who decided on battling, so we both have gotten to mess up at a Detour now. Maybe we should make decisions as a team instead of just alternating. The Fire Nation needs this money!"_

Current standings

1. Teachers

2. Texans

3. Hocotatians

4. Normal Couple

5. Saiyans

6. Supers

7. MC Mobs

8. Future Buddies: Battle

9. Fire Nation girls: Gamble

10. Mushroomites: Going to Bruma for FF

**AN: The Fire Nation girls lost the Detour thanks to the weird new system I'm using to determine each team's skill at a task that would conceivably be favorable to some teams over others. Regardless, they lost the battle, but nobody's out of the race just yet!**


	9. So they eat crap around here?(Leg 2 p4)

Leg 2, part 4: So they eat crap around here? Disgusting barbarians!

The teacher's horse had left the thick forests surrounding Lake Rumare and were now in the West Weald, a region with grasslands and trees more sparsely placed than the forest behind them. They could see a large structure in the distance, clearly the outskirts of the city.

"We're almost to Skingrad! Keep galloping, Trotter!" Mrs. Puff urged the horse, who hadn't had much of a break in a while.

"Yes, go as fast as possible," Ms. Bitters said. "I sense something." No sooner had she said this when a pair of horses was seen on their right, going much faster than their tired and exhausted horse.

"See? All we had to do was cut through the forest!" Elise called to her husband, who was right behind her on his own horse. They whizzed past the teachers and quickly approached one of Skingrad's two city gates.

"I see a cluebox by the vineyards!" Elise told Chris, stopping her horse to get off and get it.

"Vineyards? Oh!" Chris said, seeing that there were a few fields with grapes growing in some vines. There were also fields of sheep and cattle around the area outside the city as well. "I didn't know what those fields were. How could you tell?"

"Just a guess!" Elise lied. She had been here before and remembered this part of Cyrodiil.

"You seem to have a lot of good hunches about this place," Chris remarked. "Let's see now, what does our clue say?" Elise handed it to him.

_You didn't think we'd let you get away with not being generous, now did you? For this somewhat obligatory charity portion of the race, teams must do some shopping in Skingrad and purchase the following items: produce, wine of any sort, potions, iron ore, steel ore, cheese, beef, and clothing. All of this can be found in the various stores in Skingrad. Once all of the items are collected, teams must make their way to Kvatch, a city further south along the Gold Road, and distribute the items to the residents of Kvatch, who are attempting to rebuild their city from the damage the Daedra caused during the Oblivion Crisis._

"Well then, let's get our shopping done!" Elise declared. "We can make up for not buying anything Coruscant."

Normal couple: currently in First

"How did they pass us?!" Mrs. Puff cried with outrage.

"I don't know," Ms. Bitters replied. "We'll just have to keep going. There's the clue!" They picked it up and read it, heading into the city. The Texans and the Hocotatians were right behind them.

"EEE!" Luanne squeed. "WE GET TO GO SHOPPING FOR POOR PEOPLE!"

"I'm buyin' the clothes!" Peggy cried. Luanne frowned at her but said nothing, and the two eagerly dashed into the city through its gates.

"Do we have enough money?" Olimar asked.

"We'll just work to get everything at discount prices," the President said. "Maybe there's a half-off sale for racers?"

Normal couple: currently in First

Teachers: currently in Second

Texans: currently in Third

Hocotatians: currently in Fourth

Meanwhile in Bruma, Peach and Toadsworth got themselves outfitted in light, loose clothing despite the cold weather.

"It will be hot where you're going, mortals!" said the Daedric lord who had supplied the all-red-and-black Daedric summer-wear.

"Quickly, Princess! I'm freezing!" Toadsworth cried. The team headed into the Oblivion Gate, a huge, hellish-looking orange portal.

"The Sigil Stone is at the top of the highest tower!" the Daedra called. "Get there by any means necessary before time runs out!"

Peach and Toadsworth ran through the hellish world of Oblivion, working together. Peach would use her floaty-jumpy powers to hover over the lava while carrying the (incredibly light) Toadsworth, and Toadsworth himself made a great shield against Daedric attacks, which tended to be either of the sword and axe variety or the magical variety.

"I say, we certainly make a great team!" Toadsworth declared. They had just reached the giant tower the Daedra at Bruma had been talking about. "Now, Princess, this next part might be difficult. We'll have to go up long, spiraling hallways with no way to boost ourselves up quickly. We'll just have to keep running. And you'll have to carry me. It's a great risk, but can you undertake it?"

"Sure, I'll take the risk of having to carry you for the race," Peach said.

"No, I meant the risk of running up the tower without much room to—never mind," Toadsworth muttered.

"_I must certainly am NOT a liability!" Toadsworth insisted. "I hope the Princess can stop seeing me that way. Who blocked all those attacks for her? Me! Who go the lucky plate of red licorice at the Detour in Candyland? Me!"_

_"__Toadsworth has this inferiority complex," Peach said. "He thinks that I don't appreciate him. I do, it's just that he's so old and I don't want him getting himself hurt. I mean, he wasn't exactly my first choice on this race…but I'll just have to stick with what I've got."_

The team entered the tower and continued onward, with 2 minutes and 30 seconds left on the clock before they would be warped back.

Mushroomites: attempting Fast-Forward

By this point, the Saiyans, Supers and MC mobs were on horseback, making their way to Skingrad.

"Hey, Vegeta, wanna sing a—"

"No."

"I am so proud of you, honey!" Mr. Incredible said.

"I'm proud of you, too!" Elastigirl replied. "Just the fact that we're collectively in a 'safe' position is good enough for me!"

"I see them, Slim! I don't think ol' Bessie can catch up, but I think we can keep'em in our sights!" Arachne said.

"Who's Bessie?"

"The horse, duh! I think it might be a stallion instead of a mare, but oh well. I'm calling it Bessie, and that's final!"

"Isn't that a girl's name? And a name that farmers tend to give their cows?" Slim pointed out.

"Yeah. So? Cows are more closely related to unicorns than horses, anyway," Arachne explained. "Haven't you seen their hooves?"

"Um…no, I'm not a pegasister. And as far as I know you aren't, either."

"Of course not, what does that have to do with anything?"

"Never mind."

Saiyans: currently in Fifth

Supers: currently in Sixth

MC mobs: currently in Seventh

Back at the Detour, the Fire Nation girls and the Future Buddies were running low on options. Fry and Bender entered the Arena, desperately hoping to get through the fighting quickly.

Future Buddies: on Battle

"Stand back, Fry, and let my secret weapons do their thing!" Bender cried.

"Secret weapons?" Fry asked. Before he could ask more Bender's long robot arms stretched out to grab their opponents, twisting their arms, smashing their bones, and even snapping necks. The crowd cheered wildly.

"Well, that was easier than I thought!" Bender said.

"How come you didn't say you could do that before!?" Fry asked.

"I thought you already knew!" Bender replied defensively. "Besides, I'd rather watch a match than be in one." Fry facepalmed.

_"__Bender wasn't being stupid, he was deliberately being…well, Bender!" Fry said. "Normally that's ok, but this is one time it isn't! I knew I should have picked Zoidberg as my partner."_

"Woo! Who do all of you want to fight?"

"BENDER!" cried the crowd.

"And who do you want to win the Amazing Race?" Bender asked the crowd rhetorically.

"BENDER!" they cried.

"Oh, yeah!" Bender cried like the Kool-Aid man.

Future buddies: 1/3 battles

Meanwhile, Tai Lee and Mai bet on the blue team nervously on a match. And…

"THE WINNER IS…THE BLUE TEAM!" the announcer announced. Tai Lee squealed with joy while Mai merely smiled in contentment, fleeing the Arena together.

"Make your way to Skingrad," Mai said. "Those two will probably take a long time at the Battle Detour, so I think we'll be good for this next leg unless something goes horribly wrong."

"Don't Jynx it!" Tai Lee cried in reference to the Pokemon.

Fire Nation girls: currently in Eighth

Mushroomites and Future buddies: currently tied for Last

Bender quickly made short work of the next wave of opponents.

"Aw, yeah! Might as well soak up the glory now, Fry!" Bender said. Fry was too angry with his teammate to say anything, content to just letting him win the Detour for them.

"Him and his ego…" Fry sighed.

Meanwhile in the aforementioned city, the teams scattered to search for their items.

"Ok, let's see, there's a ton of stuff on the list to get!" Chris said. "How do we know where to go?" The teams were standing in a ditch that divided the districts. There were two uphill paths, one on the left connecting to one district and one on the right connect to the other. Two bridges ran over this ditch to connect the districts.

"That one!" Elise guessed, pointing to the right. Chris followed her, and the teachers went right behind.

"They might know something we don't," Ms. Bitters told Mrs. Puff. "How did they know to cut through the forest to get to Skingrad faster, for example?"

"Maybe you shouldn't have saved them," Mrs. Puff suggested. "They know too much."

"I would rather have a deadly race than a harmless one," Ms. Bitters said.

"We're going with the group," Olimar told the President. "If they find something, then so do we!"

"And if we don't get there fast enough, they might take it all!" the President pointed out.

"They seem to know where they're going, so I guess we do now, too!" Peggy said, following the group. "Excuse me," she asked a passing Imperial woman," "We're doing some shopping on behalf of the people of Kvatch, and we were wondering where everything was."

"Oh, those poor people!" the woman remarked. "I'll take you everywhere you need to go. Heck, I'll even pay for it. In the chapel district there's the bakery…"

"Do they have sweetrolls there?" Luanne asked. "That's on our list."

"Yes, they do!" the woman replied. The Texans happily followed her into the sweet-smelling bakery to get their sweetrolls while the other teams were still frantically searching each house to see if it looked like a shop.

"Everything looks the same here!" Chris remarked. "Elise, what do we do?"

"I don't know, break into some houses and steal stuff?" she suggested.

"Ok, let's try this inn," Mrs. Puff suggested to Ms. Bitters as the teachers ran past the regular couple.

"If only the Pikmin were here," Olimar mused. "Then I could just split them all up and they'd carry whatever I needed them to."

"Hey, I think this is where the vineyard's headquarters is!" the President exclaimed, entering into the shop with Chris and Elise.

"Welcome to Surilie Brothers Vineyard!" said a Breton man. "Care for a free sample or-?" The two teams quickly bought some wine and left without saying much to him.

"So eager to get drunk, huh? It's going to take more than that…" he mused. Just then, the Texans entered inside.

"Did people come through here?" Peggy asked.

"Yep, and then left just as quickly," he said. Peggy and Luanne decided to stay a while and spend some time deciding which wine to get.

"It's not like they'll all know where to go," Peggy told Luanne. "They're probably running around like decapitated chickens, trying to find what they need."

In the inn the teachers had bought wine, cheese, and sweetrolls, already securing 1/3 of the items they needed.

"I have a feeling we've done on the shopping we need to here," Ms. Bitters suggested. "Let's try the other district." Mrs. Puff agreed, and they were off.

Normal couple: 1/9 items

Teachers: 3/9 items

Texans 2/9 items

Hocotatians: 1/9 items

Meanwhile, Fry and Bender had just finished their last battle. Or, rather, Bender had.

"Woo! Finally get to leave this place!" Bender cried, jostling his way out of the Arena with Fry and on his shoulders.

"Onward to Skingrad!" Fry said, struggling to stay enthusiastic despite their low position.

Future Buddies: currently in 9th

The Saiyans were next to arrive at Skingrad with no trouble.

"Charity time!" Nappa cried as he and Vegeta burst through the gates of the city.

"Nappa, this is so low-key I'll entrust you with this task," Vegeta said. "Where do we go? You pick."

"Left!" Nappa cried, and the Saiyans headed to the District that the teachers were also going to. They reached an inn just as the teachers did so.

"You wouldn't happen to have any potions, would you?" Mrs. Puff asked.

"No, but Sinderion does," replied the innkeeper. "He's renting out the basement." The teachers immediately ran down there.

"We require your potions," Ms. Bitters hissed.

"Now, hold on there!" the High Elf exclaimed. "You can't just barge in here unannounced. Do you at least have any Nirnroot?"

"No, but you have something _we _need, and that's all that matters," Vegeta said. "So hand a few bottles over!"

"Fine," Sinderion said, grumbling and handing each of the racers a dark green bottle. "Here are some basic healing potions. Use them when you need them desperately."

"Thank you!" Mrs. Puff said as the four left, waving goodbye with her fin. Vegeta and Nappa stayed behind a bit to buy more stuff from the innkeeper.

"Ok, we got wine, beef, cheese, sweetrolls, and potions, what else?" Vegeta asked Nappa.

"Uh, some stuff," Nappa muttered. "What the heck is 'produce'? They don't want us to…?"

"Yes, Nappa, the producers devised a challenge for us where we have to crap out as much sh*t as possible," Vegeta sighed. "Now let's go find some fruits and vegetables. Don't see why anybody would eat that crap, but I guess it's not dangerous."

"So they eat crap around here? Disgusting barbarians!" Nappa cried. Vegeta facepalmed and kept going.

Teachers: 5/9 items

Saiyans: 5/9 items

While the other teams were quickly attempting to search through the shops—and more than once barging into some people's homes—Peggy and Luanne went to the weapons shop.

"Got any ore?" Peggy said rather rudely.

"…Yes," said the Nord woman running the place. "On the middle rack in the back, just a sec."

"We need iron and steel, apparently there's a difference," Luanne said. When they got the ore, she stared in awe. "Wow, Aunt Peggy! It's beautiful! And so shiny!"

"And heavy," the Nord remarked, handing the ore to Peggy, who tried to hide the fact that she could barely lift it.

"Luanne…we're going to have to slow down a little," she said. "Go on with our guide outside. I'll be loading this up with the horse. Ugh!"

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Luanne asked.

"I got it!" Peggy insisted.

Texans: 4/9 items

Chris, Elise, Olimar and the President eventually realized that there was a bakery in the district they were in and quickly bought sweetrolls from it, adding to their list of bought items.

"You know, we could work together on this," Chris suggested.

"I don't need you guys, I have my Pikmin!" Olimar insisted.

"Not right now you don't," the President pointed out.

"Ok, sure, but eventually I'll have them!" he said. "And then we can finally get back at Vegeta!"

"Hey, the Saiyans were jerks to us, too!" Elise remarked. "Did they bother you at the Detour of the last leg like they did us?" The Hocotatians nodded. "It seems we share a common foe," she mused. "It would only make sense to work together."

"It's a deal!" said the President, who had wanted to say that back during the beginning of his company's debt problems but had never gotten the chance.

_"__It was great to get into an alliance, although I honestly would have preferred another team, like the teachers," Elise admitted. "But they're probably already our allies, at least in an unofficial sense."_

_"__This is the best deal since I bought a loan from the Hocotate loan sharks!" the President declared. "No, wait, that was the worst deal. I don't think I ever had a best deal."_

The teams immediately broke off, with Elise going with Olimar and Chris going with the President. That way, whenever a team found some useful location full of stuff they needed, both teams could benefit. Once everything had been explored the teams would meet back at the gate they had come into Skingrad from.

Elise and Olimar found an Alchemy store run by a kind Dunmer woman.

"Hey, do either of you know the fine for necrophilia?" she asked.

"50 gold," Elise said.

"Ok, thanks," the Dunmer said.

"How do you…?" Olimar asked nervously.

"Long story, it's not what you think," Elise said. "I had to dig up some graves once around here, and they assumed I was doing it for that reason. What I was actually doing was recovering a signet ring from one of the former counts to give it to a cousin of the current count, who couldn't do it himself due to the fact that he hated the guy and was a vampire."

"Vampire?!" Olimar cried.

"He wasn't too dangerous," Elise said. "But he wasn't sexy and he didn't sparkle. Too old for that sort of thing."

Normal couple and Hocotatian alliance: 5/9 items

The next team to arrive in Skingrad were the Supers, who weren't too far behind from the Saiyans but far away enough that any bit of distance mattered greatly.

"Aw, shopping!" Mr. Incredible complained. "Come on, this is the Amazing Race, not the Amazing Grocery List!"

"It's for a good cause!" Elastigirl scolded. "If you don't like it than do you know what that makes you?"

"Lemme guess, a sick and heartless person?" Arachne asked Slim as they also read the clue minutes later.

"Exactly. So let's go help the Kvatchians…or Kvathites…or just the people of Kvatch!" Slim declared.

Meanwhile, the Fire Nation girls were leaving the Great Forest and entering the West Weald to get to Skingrad when another horse streaked past theirs.

"Yee-haaaaaaw! How does it feel to LOSE?!" Bender boasted, shoving beer down the throat of his horse, forcing it to go faster.

"Bender, are you sure this isn't animal cruelty?" Fry asked.

"How can giving a horse a buzz be cruel?!" Bender asked wildly as the team sped off to Skingrad.

"We'll beat them, don't worry," Mai reassured Tai Lee.

_"__Those two will crash and burn," Mai said. "Perhaps literally. Bender is too reckless and apathetic about the race, and Fry knows he can't control him. We won't have to deal with them for long."_

Future Buddies: currently in Eighth

Fire Nation girls: currently in Ninth

**AN: I am SOOO sorry this did not get updated sooner. Personal issues that I had to forcibly resolve in my head. I'm better now :) Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**And yes, the dark elf who runs the Alchemy shop in Skingrad ****_does _****ask you what the fine for necrophilia is and appreciates you telling her (how your character knows I have no idea).**


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